Happy Hanukkah

Last night we lit the first candles of Hanukkah. I love to do it-we have the Menorah in the Dining Room and I turn off the lights so people can see it from outside. It is really bright by the last night. Marc was holding Lucas and read the prayer while I lit the candles. Lucas was very interested in the lights and started to reach for them. Marc thought for a minute and said, "I guess he was little last year." I said he was-the first night of Hanukkah was the day Lucas had his hernia surgery. I remember Marc holding him in one arm while we lit the candles. We were all wiped from a long, emotional day, but I wanted to make sure we lit the candles before we all headed off to bed.

I can't wait for him to get old enough to spin the dreidel and win some gelt from his cousins! All he wants to do with it right now is put the dreidel in his mouth.

Happy Hanukkah Lucas:)

Holiday Happenings

What a crazy time of year! Lucas is still too young to be caught up in everything but he does like my musical figurines. Every day he needs to play them. Saturday he was brave enough to sqeeze himself between the recliner and table to turn one on himself! A few days ago I was talking with a work friend who has a 18 month year old. We were talking about what our little ones were getting for the holidays. She had a pretty long list that included things her parents were getting Ana. I felt bad-Lucas is getting a few things but nothing too grand. But when I thought about it again, I did sign him up for a 10 week music program which he will love. And some of the things I got him for his stocking are more practical-forks, his favorite snacks, his own set of wooden spoons (this way he won't need to always use mine). Lucas is definitely not lacking in much of anything, well except for patience, but I haven't found a store that sells that!

On Saturday I needed to do some last minute errands so we were out of the house by 8:30am. Our last stop was the mall. We sat near the holiday display with Santa and a train ride. He was entertained for about 30 minutes. As the train came by us, he waved to all the kids riding it. Maybe next time we are there he can go for a ride. I hope to start walking the mall again and Lucas likes to people watch-sounds like this might work!

I have been worried about Lucas' tantrums and how he hasn't been able to really deal with his growing independence. I finally decided that the stress was impacted my life way too much for me to deal with it on my own so I decided to use our Employee Assistance Program. I had my first session on Friday and the very wise woman said that Lucas will be OK-she could see how independent I was and based on what I was telling her, she could see how nuturing Marc is (one of his greatest strengths which I always acknowledge). Given those two qualities of ours, Lucas was going to grow up in a environment that values both and he was going to be OK. That put things into a whole new perspective. She also said that we are entering probably the hardest developmental time with Lucas. Toddlers are nuts-they are still exploring their independence, they don't have a firm grasp on language skills and they are still dependent on us. She said that it is very hard but we need to find outlets-it isn't healthy that we don't go out as a couple anymore. She really encouraged us to find a sitter. I told her that was one of my new year's resolutions.

Turning another corner

It looks like Lucas is teething again-he is drooling (despite what my mom says, he doesn't drool all the time), he is constantly got his hands in his mouth and his bottom gum are very red. He also hasn't been acting himself. I know it was just a matter of time before we started this process again. It looks like it is his canines or eye teeth that are making him miserable. As I told a colleague at work today, we are lucky that Lucas tends to get several teeth in at a time so I hope this is a short lived process. I don't want him to be miserable for Christmas but there is nothing I can do about it but try and give him some comfort.

Marc also discovered that Lucas likes Barney-I know, I know. I had hoped we would escape this! My brother and I would hate it when my niece watched him, 18 years ago when he first come on TV. Marc had it one this weekend while up with Lucas and he loved it. And why wouldn't he? He loves music and lately has been into movement-I would not dare call it dancing. That is what happens with Barney every show. The funny thing to come out of this is that Lucas has two stuffed animals in his room that he likes. One is the same colors as Barney but is not a dinosaur. The other is a T-Rex named Rexy who looks like Barney. He loves to touch the felt teeth on Rexy and he likes to point to the other animal on the bookshelf.

Let's hope the Barney phase ends when his teething does!

15 months

On Wednesday Lucas turned 15 months-still hard to believe. He is into so many things now. Here are 15 new and interesting things about him:
1. He loves to say hi to complete strangers. Whenever we are out, he is constantly saying hi and waving his backwards wave at people. It is funny to see how off guard it takes most people.
2. He has 12 teeth. Luckily he hasn't used them to bite anyone.
Lucas loves cats and dogs. He loves to pet Jeff and when we were home for Thanksgiving, he could not get enough of my family's cats and Jake the dog.
3. He is learning to be more confident in his standing and walking. He hasn't walked independently yet but he does walk alone with his push toy.
4. Lucas loves music-especially "We are the Dinosaurs," and "row, row, row your boat."
5. He says bye to me every morning when he seems me put on my coat to go to work.
6. He loves bread and knows where we keep it. He will often point to the counter when he wants a piece.
7. He is really good friends with Brian at daycare. I can tell they are going to be trouble in the years to come.
8. He likes to put the balls in the busy ball game my sister got him last Christmas but he doesn't like the noise when it is on.
9. He weighs 22 lbs, 13 oz and is 30 inches long. He still has a huge head.
10. He likes to look at the book that has family pictures in it. I have this in my car and I always give it to him on the way home.
11. He is wearing 18 month clothing.
12. He likes to climb up the stairs and push open the gate.
13. He seems to be one of the quieter children in his room-he likes to observe what others are doing.
14. He has a temper and I am going to really try and work on that with him.
15. Lucas still warms our hearts and keeps us laughing:)

Happy Birthday big guy!

One year ago

It is funny to think about Thanksgiving. A year ago I was getting ready to go back to work. Where has the time gone? In some ways I think, it has only been a year and in other ways I am amazed at how much Lucas has changed. We were watching a video of him taken in early March. He was so small-he still had brown hair and was content to be on his mat, just kicking his feet. It seems so long ago. Did he always crawl? Hasn't he always wanted to eat what I am eating? Lucas was on Marc's lap while we watched the video and he was mesmerized by it. At one point, Lucas on the video laughed and Marc said, he sounds the same way when he laughs now.

Today was our last day of physical therapy. I had a bit of remorse while Diane was working with Lucas. Were we really ready to end this? Can we get Lucas to walk on our own? I know we can always go back and use the services again but Marc is resigned to the fact we are done. But at one point this morning, when Lucas took off and for the first time, climbed all the way up our stairs without even stopping, and he walked with his push toy all by himself, I knew that we were ready.

Lean Mean Eating Machine

One of my fears with Lucas was that he wasn't going to like eating table food. I have seen both my siser and sister in law struggle with getting their kids to eat. I witnessed too many scenes at the dinner table with one parent getting frustrated with the lack of willingness on their child's part to eat. And as we struggled with ear infections last spring and the impact that had on Lucas wanting to eat, the dread filled me.

If only I had known then that Lucas would be one mean eating machine. He eats non stop it seems some days. Even his caregivers say that he doesn't have any issues eating-he normally is one of the last ones done. It has gotten to the point where I want to eat in secret because whatever I am eating, Lucas wants. Regardless if it is the same thing in front of him, he wants mine. At times I feel like I am going to be attacked because he is so determined to share in my food. I was amazed last week when Lucas ate my turkey meatloaf. I was prepared to give him something else but was shocked when he ate it off his tray. Yesterday he had real oatmeal for the first time and seemed to like it. He likes lime flavored torilla chips, ranch flavored Quakes, Cheese cake, hot dogs. The list seems endless.

He reminds me of my niece Amy. Even though she is 18 now, we still joke how she would eat breakfast three times some days when she still lived with my parents: once when she woke up with my sister, once when my mom ate and again when I finally got up and ate.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving-I want to see if Lucas will try cranberry sauce!

In a fog

It has been a while since I posted. It isn't for lack of things to share. I have been dealing with a cold for the past two weeks and I am just in a fog. Last weekend Marc was away for his annual pedorthist conference. This year it was in Nashville at a beautiful conference center. In two years the conference will be in Orlando again and we are thinking of taking Lucas-it would be fun mini family vacation. I was a little nervous about being a single parent for those 4 days but I am glad to say that Lucas and I both managed quite well. He has been sleeping better and that makes all the difference in the world. I didn't have to change my schedule all that much and I think Marc was amazed that the house looked at good as it did when he got home.

Lucas is starting to want to walk more. On Saturday I put him behind the walker my sister gave us and he was off. I was behind him supporting him but he was fascinated at moving in this new way. He even made motor boat sounds as he walked. With only two more weeks of PT left, I am hoping we can really help him. I would love it if he was walking more independently by Christmas.

He is an eating machine. His latest love, besides anything I am eating, is Ranch Quakes. These are the mini rice cakes. I would have thought the Ranch flavor would have been a bit much for someone so young but not him. He tried my cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday and really like that. Lucas had quiche again last night and ate it like a champ! It is nice to not have to make a separate meal for him these days. It will be funny to see how much more he eats at Thanksgiving than his Buffalo cousins!

Eating off the floor

Lucas has a new habit-dumping whatever food we give him when he is sitting on the floor, onto the floor and eating it that way. Luckily Marc just washed the floors on Monday and I try to shark it each night but still-does it make it taste better when he eats it off the ground? It is a good thing Jeff doesn't like table food or else there would be a war, and Jeff would be more obese than he already is.

Lucas must get that from his father's side of the family. . .

Trip home, halloween and lots of happenings

Things have been a bit chaotic in our lives lately. The weekend of October 25th Lucas and I ventured home to Buffalo. I had a conference planning meeting for EACE and we turned it into a family gathering. I have been so homesick, that Saturday could not get here fast enough. The week leading up to our departure there were endless things happening-errands to run, I had to work late one evening. Life was getting in the way. But Lucas did great on the trip. We stopped at Arby's in Erie and he was too busy waving and saying hi to the other customers to eat. It was the first really cold day so I had to wrestle with Lucas to get his fleece on every time we got out of the car. I didn't want to leave it on him because I knew he would get overheated in the car. When we got to my parents', Lucas had just woken up from a nap so he was a bit confused. It didn't help that I handed him off to my mom as soon as I got in the house so I could unload the car. He wanted nothing to do with my mom-it didn't help that I was going in and out of the house and he saw me. He has this separation anxiety down pat. At one point when he was crying over the weekend, my mom said to him to stop being a bad boy. I told her he wasn't being bad; this was something new for him and he was just a bit confused. What was she thinking?

By the time Tuesday rolled around, he was better. He didn't sleep well and I ended up having him in bed with me all three nights. He just wasn't going to settle down in their crib. It was great to see the family, even got to see my aunt. Lucas loved watching his older cousins and they wanted him to play like a big boy. We told them in a few years Lucas will play with you. We will be going up again for Thanksgiving.

Lucas is standing non stop now-he loves to be next to things that he can pull himself up on. He is even starting to creep around tables. One night he actually took a few steps from a Lego table to the coffee table. He turned his body, shifted his weight, reached for the coffee table and took a few steps. It is funny to see how after they master one skill, they forget other ones. Lucas is very hesitant to go from a standing position back down to his knees again. We are working with him on that. Because we are more comfortable with his standing, we are going to end PT in 4 weeks. That will be just before Thanksgiving. We need to really work on things between the sessions but I feel good about this. We will tell Diane tomorrow-I know she will be OK with it.

And halloween. I don't like the trick or treating aspect of it but love to decorate for it. Lucas had a party the day before halloween at school. Some children were dressed, others weren't too happy about getting into costume. Lucas did OK with the Pooh costume but then got really warm so we took the top part off of him. It was mass chaos! He tried pumpkin cheesecake and really liked it. Halloween night I took him to a few houses and met two neighbors. We have been there for 4 years and we are just meeting them now. Lucas sat on my lap and as the kids came up the driveway to collect the goods, he would start waving and said Hi! My little extrovert. He got to do a second round of trick or treating when our local nephews came over. It was fun to watch the little group of boys head off for more candy. It would be a nice tradition if they came over for dinner and then the group headed out. Of course since Marc took Lucas around again, I got stuck with candy duty. At least it was starting to slow down a bit. As soon as the group came back home, we pulled everything into the garage and turned off the light.

Pictures soon I promise! And happy 14 month birthday Lucas:)

The Wonders of Childcare

I don't care what anyone says about the negatives of having your child in a center daycare. It is doing wonders for Lucas. Yesterday when I picked him up, they were singing a song and he was so happy! He loves music and they incorporate song into each day. His lead teacher told me that he was very vocal actually said "all done" at snack time. He was apparently the last one eating and since the rest of the children were off playing, he wanted to get the teachers' attention. So he started to say "all done". And he said the name of one of the little girls in his class. I was amazed. Of course that was all Marc and I could talk about once I got home.

This morning when Marc dropped him off, his friend Brian came over to him, poked him and crawled away. When Lucas didn't follow, Brian came back over and poked him again. When Marc shared this story with me, I said that was Brian's way of telling Lucas he wanted him to play. Since Brian isn't very verbal yet, he has no way of saying, "Hey Lucas, come play with me over by the blocks." I thought it was a sweet story. I know Brian and Lucas have a good time together. Now if they can only get Solomon into their class (their other friend from the Infant room), it would be a good old time.

Heartbeats, corn dogs and standing

In all the pregnancy books I read, most talked about how your growing baby is very intuned to your heartbeat and once it is born, it will find comfort in hearing it. Since Lucas and I weren't able to bond in a normal manner when he was born, I didn't think anything of this bonding technique. But over the past few months, I wonder if he still finds comfort in listening to my heartbeat. He lays on me in a very different manner than he does Marc and it is like he is positioning himself to hear my heart. If he doesn't want to do that, he at least puts one hand on my neck as if to feel my pulse. When he is really upset, if I can get him on my chest, he calms right down. As he gets bigger, I am not sure how much I will be able to support him but it is nice to know that he finds comfort in just laying on me.

As for the corn dogs, we were out with Marc's parents this weekend and Marc thought it might be good to give Lucas something other than chicken. So we ordered him a corn dog. He ate most of it. It was surprising-he gets turkey dogs at the Carriage House for lunch but I have never tried to give him a hot dog at home. My in laws were quite surprised how much he liked it! It seems like he has now tried more foods than his older cousins. After he finished his corn dog, Lucas reached over to try and grab Marc's hamburger. He managed to get the bun but nothing else.

Lucas is a standing machine now. We have been working on this with him for about 2 weeks but he hasn't consistently pulled himself up. This weekend anytime he went into the playpen he would pull himself up. And this morning when Marc got him from the crib, he was standing in there-that is a first. After I left for work, Marc said he was pulling himself up on everything. So it will be a matter of time before he is walking-what will we do then?

Elmo or Winnie

Marc got Lucas two costumes on Monday. He wasn't sure which one would fit better. So who did we end up with? Elmo and Winnie the Pooh. I am not overly excited about either but it is better then Marc's option-Lucas going as Naked Baby. Marc is concerned that if Lucas doesn't want to have Elmo's hood up, he will just look like a giant crawling orange ape-good point. I think he would be a great turtle-that way even if he didn't want to wear the turtle hat, people would still now what he was when he crawled.

I guess I didn't realize you need to shop for a halloween costume in August when they first come out. This is insane!

Halloween Costumes

I am not a big fan of halloween. I love to decorate for it and love pumpkins but I am not into the whole trick or treating thing. But I know that Marc is and I want Lucas to enjoy it too. So we are having to look for a halloween costume for Lucas. It seems like you have to buy something before Labor Day to get anything good! We had thought about dressing Lucas as the Hulk because he is quite the strong guy but the online vendor we wanted to use is sold out of them. The other idea I had was to dress him as a rhino because all he does these days is ram into things with his head. So far we haven't been able to find anything. We went out yesterday to one of those halloween places but didn't find anything great. Marc liked a monkey costume but I don't like monkeys to begin with and wasn't thrilled to dress Lucas as one. Marc looked online last night and found a few things but again, nothing that jumped out at us. We did find a cute pig costume that might work. I also liked a turtle. So today, since the Carriage House is closed, Marc and Lucas are headed out to find something. I left it up to Marc. I gave him a few other places to try. I will be curious to see what they come home with tonight! Who knew it would be this hard! What happened to the days when kids were happy with just two eye holes cut out of a sheet!

The weekend update and welcome to Chuck!

Our weekend was chaotic at best. Marc's family broke the Yom Kippur fast Thursday night with dinner but we think the eggs were bad because I started getting sick about 11pm that night, soon followed by Marc. Nothing is more miserable than both of us being sick and having a somewhat sick child to take care of as well. We were literally handing Lucas back and forth between us while the other one got sick. It was a long night. Friday morning we found out that Marc's mom was also sick. Luckily Lucas was healthy enough to go to daycare so Marc's dad took him in for us. I don't ever remember a time when both Marc and I were so sick that we spend the whole day in bed. Saturday we were getting a little better but Marc ended up coming home early from work.

Sunday it seemed like we were finally on the mend so we ventured out. Lucas loves the fish they have in his room at the Carriage House and we had been talking about getting him one. Of course with Jeff the carnivore cat, we have to be careful where we put it and we weren't looking for anything too complicated. We went to the local fish store, picked out a gallon bubble tank, gravel and wanted our turn to pick out the fish. We had initially wanted two gold fish-easy right? Well as soon as Doc, our fish consultant saw us and found out what we were looking for, it was like we were suddenly buying a used car and he was going to try and take us for all we were worth! Doc said we didn't want gold fish with the tank we picked because they are "poop machines" and we would need to be cleaning the tank every three days. OK, that wasn't going to happen. So he points out a nice tank for $30 that had a filter and other accessories. We said we were really looking for something low maintenance that we could keep on top of the entertainment system that would be out of Jeff's reach. So Doc said that a beta would be our best bet. I had beta's in college and I think they are pretty so that sounded good to me. Well then came the ph solution for the water, the special food. At one point Lucas was pointing at something and Doc said, "I think he is looking at the plants, which you could always add to the tank. It would create a stimulating environment for the fish." Thanks but I think we had enough stuff. So now we have Chuck the beta who is yellow with black stripes on his fins. He survived his first night with us. Lucas is more interested in the pumpkin shaped candles than the fish but they live for two years so he will have plenty of time to get to know Chuck:)

Standing

Lucas has been pulling himself up to a standing position since last week. He just shoots right up. One night he was in the pack and play when he did it and he started to shake it so hard the pack and play was bouncing! Not sure if he was mad or just excited because we were cheering him on. After a few rough days, it seems like our Lucas is back. He played a lot last night before dinner and even this morning he was in a pretty good mood. And he slept through the night-he woke up once but put himself back to sleep. Since I needed to get up early for PT this morning, he woke up once he heard me in the shower.

I need stuff like this to happen because I have such a lack of confidence in my mothering skills. A dear friend told me never to doubt them but I do-the minute something goes wrong I panic.

But on a really exciting note, Lucas and I get to travel to Buffalo at the end of October! I have been asked to serve on the conference planning committee for a regional organization. Actually I got suckered into it-that is what happens when you know too many people at other schools in higher education! But the conference in is Buffalo in June and our planning meetings will be there over the next few months. I can't wait to be with my family and spend some quality time with them. Lucas will get to do some early Trick or Treating with his cousins and my sister is already planning a trip to the zoo's Howl-O-ween event. Now the pressure is on to find a costume for Lucas!

Missing something

I read a number of other blogs-most of them about moms dealing with very sick children. The one thing they blog freely about is their faith and how this is the rock they lean upon during their challenging times. While in high school and college I was definitely more spiritual, somewhat religious. But I haven't been active in this part of my life for a while. I have indeed become a twice a year catholic. And I have been feeling as if my life is missing something. I have questioned if going to church will help fill the void. I don't know if I will ever have the strength of faith that these women do but maybe it will help put things into perspective. Marc seems to think my unhappiness comes from our lack of sleep. Perhaps but my misery seems to be deeper than something sleep can fix. There are lots of things I am unhappy with right now: Lucas' sleep schedule, Marc and I fighting non stop, my job. Maybe I am just having my mid life crisis and don't realize it. Whatever it is, I am desperate for some relief.

A friend of mine was helping me work through somethings and she said never doubt my abilities, as it relates to being a mom. I just feel so inadequate. I wish I had her confidence.

Things I am Thankful for

I am thankful for Lucas sleeping through the night for the third day in a row!

I am thankful Lucas is feeling better-I think we have turned another corner.

I am thankful that Marc is being to see things from my perspective and trying to help.

I am thankful for my job-when things are starting to turn for the ecomony, I am thankful for the opportunity to work in my field and help students.

I am thankful for my friends. Especially those who read my blog:)

I am thankful for my family-especially stories of my nephews that make me laugh.

I am thankful that I had a successful pregnancy. When I read other blogs, I am reminded how precious having a healthy baby is. It really is a miracle that we are able to create life, especially when it seems there are so many things that can go wrong.

I am thankful it is the weekend, though it will be crazy!

I am thankful that we have a caring, well established center to send Lucas to. Even though he seems to like to spend time away from his classmates, he seems happy and the teachers in his room are great.

I am thankful for all the bells and whistles in my life-the cell phone, dishwasher, washer/dryer. These things help make my life easier.

Trying Times

Lucas is sick again with an ear infection. Marc noticed some drainage in his left ear last Tuesday and went to the doctor's. They said the tubes are working because the water is not behind his ear drum. So he got some drops and was on his way. Friday I got a call from daycare that he had a temp of 101.4 and needed to be picked up. So off to the docs we went again and he did have more of an infection so we got the lovely antibiotic Augmentin. But all weekend Lucas continued to have a fever and spend most of the nights sleeping on either Marc or I. None of us got much rest. Sunday night he woke up in so much pain that he was shaking. We called the emergency after hours number and talked to a nurse at Children's. Of course the nurse said that by this time Lucas should not be still having fevers but didn't think he needed to come into the hospital. Monday it was clear that Lucas could not go to daycare-he did not want to be put down and was not himself. Marc ended up taking him back to the doctors. The good news is the infection was clearing up. But now he had a rash and there is no clear reason why he doesn't want to be put down. I love answers like that!

But I think we have finally turned the corner-he actually played a little last night and was talking-not things he has done in the past 4 days. And Marc actually let him cry a bit last night when he put him down to bed. It lasted about 8 minutes but Lucas slept through the night as well-HUGE milestones for Lucas and Marc.

Touchy Feely

Last night Lucas and I had the evening to ourselves-Marc had an event for work. I was a little nervous-even now I am still not 100% confident in my mothering abilities. Plus the little guy has an ear infection and is getting about 50 teeth in all at once. This makes for one cranky boy. But he was great-we got home, did our routine. We even met a huge puppy on the street who was very excited to meet Lucas. This was a Newfoundland-these dogs are enormous and would have taken both Lucas and I down in one jump! When I was telling Lucas there was a puppy on the street and we were going to see him, he was so excited! He nearly jumped out of his car seat.

Another of Lucas' loves is going outside. So we took a walk in our back yard before dinner and he found two leaves that he just had to bring into the house. At first he liked to wave them at Jeff but eventually he found tearing them up was more fun. Jeff just wanted to eat them.

The most interesting thing that happened was that Lucas wanted to feel the bushes. We have three evergreen bushes and one that is more of a hedge. He would go back and forth between them touching the leaves/branches. He is really into touching everything these days-he loves to touch the bricks on the house and last night we discovered the shutters and the window screens. Good thing it was bath night!

Toddler proofing

We have started to Toddler proof our house. We have had a gate up near the basement stairs for a few weeks now and have put all those covers on the plugs. But we needed to get two more gates and some locks for our cabinets. Marc got a gate and was so proud of himself because he picked it out on his own. But when he took it out of the box, he realized that he needed to drill a wall mount in order to support the frame. He looked so defeated.

I found it ironic that a year ago we were rushing around trying to buy all the things we still needed for Lucas to come home. I remember my mother in law coming over to take me to Babies R Us and I just broke down because I was so overwhelmed with everything-and Lucas wasn't even home yet!

Now if we can just toddler proof the cat . . .

Instruction manual

I feel like I need an instruction manual to my life these days. I am out of suggestions on how to make things run smoother and I am quickly running out of patience.

I am frustrated with Marc and how we can't seem to get on the same page about stuff with Lucas. I am trying to get him to realize that we need to start putting Lucas to bed awake so that he can learn to put himself to sleep. I do not want to spend the next year rocking him to sleep after his bottle. And he won't be on a bottle before bed much longer. Marc doesn't seem to realize that-even though the doctor said that to us last week. I am tired of justifying the way things run at the center we use. If he doesn't like it, he can start looking for another place. This is one of the best in the area. What choice do we have? His mom hasn't offered any of her services lately.

I am frustrated with Lucas because he is in a clingy phase right now. There aren't enough hours in the day to hold him and get everything else done in the house that I need to.

I am frustrated with work because morale stinks and nothing is going to be done about it. We are headed into our busiest time of the year and no one is happy. I just get so drained. One opportunity I was hoping would pan out for me I just found out they made their hiring decision. I wasn't even granted an interview. I know I have the skills to kick butt in the position-a bit of a discouragement.

I am frustrated with my body-I have been trying to get over this cold for two weeks now. It is starting to move into my chest. Unless someone takes Lucas for a day on the weekends, I don't have an opportunity to get the sleep I need to kick this.

And I miss my family. I get homesick every couple of years-crazy I know. I haven't lived in Buffalo since 1996! But I want to spend time hanging out on my parent's deck, talking with my dad. I want to visit with my sister and her family, watching the boys destroy the house. I want to sit around my parent's fire pit and think about the times we went camping.

I am just not a happy camper these days.

One year appointment

When we went to the peds today for Lucas' one year appointment, there were two newborn babies there. Wow! Did that take me back real quick. It was funny to see Lucas watch them as he waved his huge yellow plastic spoon (the toy of choice today) and to see one dad look at Lucas and smile. I wanted to say to him, We were in your shoes a year ago and it is true what everyone says-the time does go by fast. A year ago today I was taking my first shower after having the magn drip taken out. I was finally IV free and I needed to get down to see Lucas for myself. He was so tiny.

My mom called last night and congratulated me on surviving our first year. She said that it wasn't easy, she can even admit that, and I faced some pretty big obstacles those first few weeks. Things will get easy in different ways and more difficult in others but it won't be as hard. Somehow I need to remember that in the coming years . . .

And last night as I rocked our little guy to sleep, I cherished being able to hold him, thankful that I was able to hold him then and letting go of the fact I wasn't able to hold him after he was born.

Happy First Birthday Lucas

Happy Birthday big guy! I can't believe you are a year old-where did the time go? Daddy and I can't believe how big you have gotten-the days of you being a little guy are long past. Who would believe now that you were a preemie?

We know that sometimes you get mad and aren't always happy but we are doing our best to make you laugh and have a good time.

You are a crawling machine-you are so fast now. I know yesterday you wanted to show off your skills to the babies in your old room. Pam couldn't keep you out of the room! And you are trying so hard to pull yourself up. You just have to be careful.

You love to eat-you get mad when we don't let you feed yourself but somethings are still too messy for you to do yourself. We will try and give you more table food. But we did make a huge first step by ordering off the children's menu last week when we were at Eat N' Park.

I was sad to leave you at daycare today and I am sorry that I won't be able to make it to your snack party. I hope everyone plays nice with you today and you like all the attention-if you are like your dad it won't be a problem:)

Remember that we love you so much and are amazed by all that you are doing now. You keep us laughing most days. We can't wait to watch you grow up even more-you are an extra special boy!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Birthday bash

We celebrated Lucas' first birthday with friends and family this weekend. My parents and sister and her family all came down from Kenmore. They were here for only a day and it was sad to not have more time with them. Lucas loves his Kenmore cousins. I had also hoped that the Pittsburgh and Kenmore cousins would have played more together but they weren't interested in that. Oh well. Lucas got lots of loot and I have finally narrowed down his keep and return for different size piles. What a chore! I spent so much time getting everything ready and when the day finally got here, it was all over with before I knew it. If only my labor had been that way . . .

I was just really annoyed at my in-laws. They didn't help us clean up at all. My family wanted to help more but they needed to get on the road. And they had helped me the day before and even during the party. But Marc's parents only had to go to Home Depot to pick out paint. Nothing too pressing. His dad had the nerve to say to Marc yesterday when we saw them, "Boy you look tired." Well what do you expect when you have to clean up after 20 people and take care of an almost one year old?

Lucas didn't know what to make of his cake-he liked to feel the frosting between his fingers but wasn't too interested in tasting it. I put some in his mouth and he did manage to grab a piece of cake but no great smashing or mess.

Pictures to come soon I promise!

You know you have too many diapers when . . .

We currently have three types of diapers in our home: the regular Pampers, Huggie Swimmers and Huggie Overnights. We had to get the last type because Mr. Lucas was wetting through his diapers at night. I normally have a good sense of which is which, even in a hurried moment to grab one.

Saturday when my sister in law came over with her boys for a swim, I quickly got Lucas ready in what I thought was his swimmer diaper. He was just going in the pool with the diaper and a shirt because his suit was still wet from an earlier swim session.

I got him dressed, put him in the pool and watched as he splashed around and enjoyed his older cousins. A few minutes into the fun, I noticed that his diaper had doubled in size-I thought that was odd.

Then it came to me-I didn't put a swimmer on him, I put an overnight diaper on! It was slowly absorbing water to the point that it was completely saturated! The poor guy was weighed down by this enormous diaper. At least I got to see how much water it will take on. All I could do was laugh. We were barely able to lift Lucas out of the pool-Wendy ended up just taking it off while I stood him up.

It provided some much needed mom humor. I will be sure not to make that mistake again.

Lots of happenings

We seemed to have an OK weekend. Saturday is always rough because of Marc working. Lucas did manage to sleep a bit which meant I got a nap in-imagine that! I was just so tired from the week of work, I have no idea when I will catch up on the sleep. Wendy and the kids came over for a swim and dinner which was nice. I thought that being out in the water and sun would make for a tired Lucas but it didn't seem to work that well. He had cheese pizza for the first time and seemed to enjoy it. It still is a battle with Marc about giving him more table food. We were actually going to order off the children's menu Sunday when we were all out of his mom's birthday dinner but we went to one of the least kid friendly places I know of. So we just ended up feeding him some baby food and then applesauce and crackers. Lucas was good though which is always nice.

A strange thing happened twice Sunday-Lucas actually bit Marc. Once while we were at Giant Eagle and once after dinner. I have no idea why he did it. The only good thing to come out of it was Marc saying, "Well I guess he is ready to start eating more food."

Dear Lucas

You need to sleep! I know that last week things were all mixed up because Mommy had to work late three nights but we are back to normal now that those crazy punk students are back on campus.

There is no reason why you should be up until after 9pm and then get up during the night. You might think it is funny to want to play but Mommy and Daddy don't. You are getting to be a big boy now-you haven't taken a bottle in the middle of the night in MONTHS so you shouldn't be waking up.

I know your teeth might hurt and we give you some medicine whenever that happens.

Everyone would be much happier if you went to bed early and slept through the night.

Can we work on this?

Love, Mommy

Good bye baby days

On Tuesday Lucas attempted to crawl during our PT session. He took a few "steps" forward with his arms and his legs seemed to follow. It was slow and choppy but the closest thing to crawling Lucas has done. Well that was all he needed-on Wednesday he took his first official crawl-and there has been no looking back. Unfortunately I have had to work the last three evenings and have missed most of the fun. Marc said on Wednesday night Lucas came into the kitchen and got to Jeff's water dish. I am sure you can imagine what came next. This morning Lucas went from the family room (with carpet) to the kitchen (linolium) to the dining room (hardwood floors). In each new room, he would slap the floor because he knew the textures and sound were different. Tonight he was so intent on getting to the power strip behind the living room TV that Marc got a real workout. It is incredible to see how fast he went from just rocking to a full fledged crawl. Of course we have to baby proof the house now-as much as we have been waiting for this, I guess we really aren't ready!

Year picture

We did it-well, Lucas really did it. He cooperated for his picture on Saturday. At first he wasn't too happy but he was OK to sit on Marc's lap. The goal was to eventually get him to sit on the floor. We tried a few times and he wasn't going for it. Then the photographer got out a stool and that was all it took. Lucas got off of Marc and started to pound on it-he was having such a good time he didn't realize Dad was gone. She got some really good shots. Of course Lucas had his tongue out most of the time because he is teething again.

When it was time for the cake shots, we stripped him down to his diaper. At first he wasn't sure what to do with it so we put some frosting on his face. We put some in his mouth and he eventually started to grab for the cupcakes. He didn't smash it but made enough of a mess that we had to give him a bath when we got home. While we were picture out the poses we wanted, Lucas fell asleep on my shoulder, drooling away in his sleep. I can't wait to get them back in a week and give them out at his party!

Family Visit

My brother, Craig, and parents came down for a visit on Sunday. My brother is currently in PA school with the Army in San Antonio. The last time he saw Lucas was at Christmas. Hard to believe how much he has changed now. When Lucas saw him come up the porch steps, he got a huge grin on his face. It was great to see. Of course he loves my parents and took to them like he normally does. My brother gave Lucas a cute bongo drum set that lights up and plays music. You can also make it into a ball so Lucas can roll it. He seemed to enjoy it. My brother had never seen the house before and he was amazed at how big it was and the backyard. Craig is a big goofy guy and I hope Lucas gets to know him as he grows up.

Of course we had to show Craig my new favorite show-Wipeout. I laugh so hard at this thing. You should check it out if you are looking for mindless humor. It is on Tuesdays at 8pm on ABC. Check it out. My brother and sister and I all have similar types of humor and true to form, Gaw loved it. I told him I would TiVO it for him from now on and send it to him. He doesn't get much time to watch TV with his class load. My mother thinks we are all a bit strange for enjoying such craziness-there are worse things we could like.

So they were all here for about 4 hours and then left. My parents will be back in two weeks for the big guy's birthday but I am not sure when we will see Uncle Gaw again. We sure do miss him!

First Hair Cut

We took the plunge and cut Lucas' hair. Ever since he lost his newborn hair (spikey and black) and his baby hair (fine and blond) grew in, he had a curl on the top of his head. It was quite cute. As his hair got longer, he lost some of the curl. His hair was so long the other night, it was hanging in his eyes. I suggested we just trim that piece and maybe the curl would come back. Marc did a great job while I took pictures.

Lucas looks so different now-Marc immediately said that he looks more like a toddler with the trim. I have to admit after living with the new do for a few days, he does look older.

Marc also attempted to trim the hair around Lucas' ears but that will need to be professionally trimmed. It was starting to grow over his ears and I didn't want people to start thinking he was an elf. At least now he will look a bit more kept for the second attempt at his birthday picture.

Fisher Price Little People

I have become obsessed with the Little People Toy Line from Fisher Price. My sister's kids loved them and now I am slowly buying playsets off ebay. My latest craze was finding the farm that played Old Mac Donald. Since Lucas loves this song and it is his party theme, I thought it would be adorable to get it for him and even use it as a center piece. Whenever I would find one for sale, I would email the seller and see if was the version that played the song. Luckily I found one and last night I won it! It should be here in the next few days.

It is fun to look at all the "vintage" pieces-the ones that were made of wood that I played with growing up. We had the tutor house, the farm, the hospital, the school house and Sesame Street. I remember playing with the house boat, the parking garage, the airport and the castle but I think our friends had those. The good old days.

Last night Lucas was digging through his toys to find the little people animals. He was holding onto the penguin and would pick up other animals, look at it, hit it against the penguin and then toss it. It was as if he was trying to find a match. He finally settled on a whale and played with them for a while. At least he picked two animals that share similar environments!

No year picture for Lucas

Sunday we had an appointment at Target for Lucas' year picture. Our hope was to get them done early so we could have them for his birthday party. Lucas had a pretty good morning; he took a nap, ate lunch, got all dressed in his new outfit. We got to Target with some time to spare-things were looking good! Then we went into the studio. The woman taking the pictures got two in and Lucas started to cry-with real tears. He generally does not get that upset! He didn't want to sit on the floor. Marc tried holding him-nothing seemed to work. I was crushed. We took him out and rescheduled for Saturday. Lucas was fine-he started to smile at the woman and played with some of the clipboards at the check in desk. So we went back in-thinking maybe it had passed. Nope-Mr. Miserible was back. I have no idea what set him off. He normally loves getting his picture taken and this was the same studio we used for his 6 month picture. Let's hope Saturday goes a little better. If not, Lucas will have to have his year picture taken at home and who knows how that will turn out!

Lucas is a Young Toddler

This morning Lucas officially became a young toddler-he moved to that room at daycare. As soon as Marc signed him into his old room, one of the teachers came over to get him. Lucas started to play with some balls-he loves to play with balls and is getting pretty good at throwing them. I know he will be in awe of how much the older kids move. Maybe he will get moving then too!

Marc had a harder time with this than Lucas did. He called and filled me in on all the happenings-I think the phone call lasted longer than any of the activities he was describing actually did!

He was amazed that they have a schedule-I reminded him that we were told that at the meeting we went to in May. Now tonight I need to remember to get all that info out and review it. I already know I need to bring in a blanket for Lucas. Good thing we have plenty of those!

Good luck Lucas-enjoy your first day in your new room. Remember to play nice and show them how good you are. I can't wait to pick you up and hear all about the neat things you did.

Favorite Toys-His Toes

This morning Lucas woke up a little after 4am-normally I would have been annoyed by this but considering I had been up since 2am, it just gave me something to do besides lay in bed and wish myself asleep. He was awake and not happy. I figured it was a teething issue again. I got him out of the crib and he was OK to sit on my lap as I rocked him. A few minutes later I noticed he was swinging his leg and looking at his toes. Then he started to spread his toes apart and curl them under. I guess he never knew they could do this. It was neat to watch him explore the cause and effect of his actions. At one point he also looked up at me with an expression like, "Oh, you are the one holding me," then went back to his toes. I don't find many things cute at 4am but I have to admit, this did melt my heart a little.

My boys

Last night Lucas and Marc went shopping for an outfit for Lucas to wear for his year picture this weekend. I can already tell these two are going to have some grand adventures in the coming years. Marc came home with two bags of outfits he thought were cute-I laughed when he said it was so hard to not come home with more things for the big guy. Now he knows how I feel anytime I go out! Marc did pick some nice things-not necessarily for his picture but Lucas can use them all the same. He said that Lucas tried to help and was interested in getting his hands on anything near the cash registers. I am sure the clerks were thrilled to have the ocopus boy reaching for their stuff.

I love to see these two out together, without me. I know that Marc loves to spend that time with him and I know Lucas likes it too. Of course I swear Marc gave him pure sugar while they were out because Lucas was so hyper after his bottle-our crack baby was back.

Happy 11 month Birthday Lucas

Wow! 11 months old. I can't believe how close you are to the HUGE milestone of being a year. You are so close to crawling it hurts to watch. But you have figured out how to bounce your way around the room. Like Poppa said last night, "You'll do it when you are ready. Leave the kid alone!" We made another trip to Buffalo and you had a great time with your Gorney boy cousins. You think they are really funny. Yesterday you helped cousin Andrew celebrate his 2nd birthday and you were very interested in the whole present thing. And you got to try birthday cake-without the frosting. Don't worry, you will get to experience all these things for yourself in a few short weeks.

You don't look like a baby anymore-you are definitely more toddler looking. We have started to give you more table food-you have had hamburger, baked beans, turkey, grilled cheese, zucchini. So far you have liked everything! You love your pool and being outside. Sand is a big interest of yours as well.

You have done well without the pacifier-see, we told you it would be OK! You still like books and are now interested in puzzles and the little people from Fisher Price.

We hope you continue to enjoy learning new things and exploring our world. And the best news is that we will be able to turn your carseat around to face forward in a few weeks so you can see us!

We love you Lucas.

Getting ready

Over the past few weeks, Lucas has been spending time in the Young Toddler room-this is the room he will be in for the next "school year." Apparently he loves it! He loves the teachers, loves all the playing they do and I would imagine he really likes the bigger kids. He gets so excited around our older nephews so it wouldn't be a surprise that he enjoys the company of the older kids-older being between 14 months and 2 years. Earlier this week they said he spend most of the day with them-he ate lunch with them and even took his nap with them. This is huge for me, and Lucas. I had hoped he wouldn't have any major issues with the transition.

He will be going with another little guy from the Infant Room-Brian. Apparently Brian has had some struggles. I was picking Lucas up one evening and the center director was telling the Infant Room staff that Brian needs to get over there more because he is going to be there in the coming weeks. It felt good to know that Lucas is handling the transition to this point OK.

Lucas as also cut one more tooth-this time on the top and we can barely make out a second one. I hope that one comes in soon because I am so ready to get him to eat more table food. He is doing really well at feeding himself and even started to pick up his sippy cup and put it in his mouth-he hasn't figured out that he needs to tip it back a bit to get some water out of it.

And Lucas is so close to crawling it hurts! He is really rocking back and forth and some days I am sure he is just going to shoot himself up and fly through the air. He is also trying to pull himself up on things-chairs, Marc, laundry baskets. Nothing is safe anymore!

Reunion of New Moms

We were in Buffalo this weekend for the wedding of a dear college friend. I was able to catch up with two friends I haven't seen in a number of years. As we chatted and got up to speed on the happenings in all of our lives, I realized that we each had experienced some struggles with having children. One friend had complications that resulted in her not being able to have any more children; the other had a horrible experience where she lost some spinal fluid. She still has trouble holding her two year old when she is standing up. The conclusion we came to was that complications, whether they are minor or major, are more common than we think yet no one talks about them. These two women are also stay at home moms. I told them that I give them a lot of credit to be able to stay home. I know it is not for me. One was a former teacher and she said that for her own sanity she can't work-she would not be able to be a good mom to her kids if she was in the classroom 8 hours a day. My other friend said that she is worried about re entering the workforce again, after having been out for almost 6 years. It was nice to see their perspective.

Lucas was great on the trip-he got a little fussy in the car but he loves watching his older cousins play. It will be fun to see everyone here and playing for his first birthday. He has also cut two more teeth-both on the top. He didn't get a chance to go in Aunt Sue's pool but he did get some time in the sandbox and in the Stachewicz family swing. Sad to think we won't be back up until Thanksgiving.

Work Tangent

I know my posts have normally been about raising Lucas but I had to share these two stories from work:

I had an appointment with a graduate student in engineering to talk about job search strategies. I started to give her some suggestions on resources to use when she started to look around my office-it didn't take me long to figure out she was looking for a pen. Who comes to an appointment without a pen?

My appointments are only 30 minutes long and we have a policy that if you late more than 10 minutes, your appointment is canceled. A student was on my calendar last week for a 10am appointment. He gets here at 10:15am, is told the policy. He reschedules for yesterday at 9am-calls 10 minutes before to reschedule. Is rescheduled for today at 9am and again shows up at 9:15am. The receptionist asked him what the issue was and he said it was his bus-wouldn't you think to make the appointment a little later (say 9 or 10:30) if you know your bus is going to be late? Again, an engineer. They can create a paperbag but can't think their way out of it. I feel like the troll under the bridge.

UGH!

The Pacifier Wars

Over the last two weeks or so, we have been weaning Lucas off his pacifier. I hated that he used it but they started to give it to him in the NICU to encourage him to suck so we just went with it. One of Lucas' caregivers had mentioned that he was having a hard time falling asleep for naps and she thought it was because we were still giving him the pacifier at night. I felt stupid-of course that would impact him at nap time. So that was more motivation to get him off of it at night. Last Thursday was the first time we didn't let him use it at night and you know the story-he did fine. And earlier this week he did great with naps-slept more than an hour which he generally doesn't do.

Well yesterday another one of his caregivers told Marc that Lucas was having a really hard time with it, that it was hard for him at nap time and he really wanted a pacifier since all the other children had one. I was PISSED! First, yesterday he had a horrible day in general-the night before he was up because of his teething so yes, he is going to have an off day. Second, the other children are significantly younger than him. Is he going to revert back to just taking formula because all the other babies are? Third, why would we give the pacifier back to him? We are trying to WEAN him of it! Will it be hard, yes, for everyone. I was just in shock that she was making a case for us to give it back to him. Finally, he didn't seem to have any issues the previous days.

On a different note, Lucas has figured out that instead of trying to crawl for a toy that is out of reach, he will just stretch his arms and then pull the playmat closer to him. Thus bringing the toy closer. His physical therapist said that was good problem solving skills; I guess that is a nice way to say he is lazy.

Let there be sleep

Lucas managed to sleep through the night all weekend long! I don't have such a good report on Jeff though-Saturday night he was up to his antics so into the basement he went. He was there again last night. Besides having Lucas sleep through the night, the better news is that he did it without having a pacifier!!!! YES! I hope that Marc sees how the pacifier was part of the issue. My goal was to have him weaned from it by his first birthday. I feel like I need to hide them now so Marc isn't tempted to give him one when Lucas gets fussy. I don't want to have to start all over again.

And I think our normal Lucas is finally back-he was a much happier baby on Saturday and even yesterday. He took over an hour nap in the afternoon both days (another huge feat for him) and spent some fun time in the pool.

The next two issues to tackle is getting him to feed himself and to eat more table food. He had mashed banana twice this weekend and seemed to like it. He will only eat puffs or Cheerios off his tray when we aren't look-seriously, if we don't watch him, that is when he will pick something up and put it in his mouth. Weird kid. He is either too smart for his own good or lazy-GREAT.

And we played again-I think it helped a bit but I soon got bored. I have no interest in playing with a 10 and a half month old for extended periods of time. I know, call me a bad mom-just one more thing to add to the list.

We are headed to Buffalo again this weekend for a friend's wedding. Let's hope Lucas does as well on this trip as he did over July 4th.

A night of peace

Finally! After almost 2 months of Lucas waking up periodically at night, last night he slept through! Not one peep. And he was still sleeping when I left for work today. We also didn't put Jeff in the basement-maybe that was the connection. Lucas needs Jeff to be free in order to sleep. I will run that theory by Marc and see what he thinks;)

We also played again last night-maybe that is the key. Since it was so hot here, we filled up the little pool and let Lucas have a little swim. He loved to splash, wasn't too sure about me putting my feet in the pool.

He is so close to crawling-Jeff is his big motivator. Any day now I think he will do it. We are being re-evaluated on Wednesday for the physical therapy services we get. Hard to believe we have been doing it for 6 months. I know our case advocate will be shocked to see how big Lucas has gotten.

Playtime

I stress-if you haven't figured that out by now. I have always done this. Even as a child I would get stressed when my mom ran the bath water but didn't stay in the bathroom as the tub filled. I was afraid it would flood.

Tuesday when I picked Lucas up, I could tell he had an off day without any of his caregivers saying anything to me. The sign was seeing him being rocked by Judith. Normally he is on the floor playing when I picked him up. So on the way home I just let go of any plans I had to get work down around the house. I figured it was going to be a long night for us. I took him upstairs and tried rocking him. He seemed content for a while but soon after Marc got home, things got ugly. I didn't even attempt to feed him, just gave him a bottle for dinner. He took that without too much fighting. Marc ran out to get us some food and I set him down on the floor to see if he would play for a while. sure enough, he was fine with it. Marc and I took turns eating while the other played with Lucas on the floor. Normally I would have been obsession about what I wasn't getting done but I guess that night all of us just needed some playtime together.

We always encourage Lucas to play but I don't think we have played together as a family-it was a nice change.

This saying was on a flip chart in one of our meeting rooms: Mathematics is essential for the development of children . . .so is playtime.

NICU revisted

I have been reading this blog about a family dealing with CF. They had a baby in January at 25 weeks-Gwyneth Rose. She was a micro preemie. The dad, Nathan, finally has blogged about what his emotions were that first day, trying to bond with his baby girl in the NICU. She was less than 2 pounds when she was born.

I could certainly understand some of what he was feeling, though I would never imagine to think our situations were the same. Through those first days, despite all the tests and medical information we were given about Lucas, I never thought he wouldn't make it-it never entered my mind that he wasn't going to leave the hospital. I didn't know when this would happen and I expected there to be some linger health issues, but I firmly believed that he would make it. I have no idea where that strength came from-was it mother's intuition? Was it already knowing how strong my little guy was, that he was a fighter and would prove them wrong? I just think that when faced with a "crisis" like ours, being taken off guard by having to deliver early, I would have expected there to be some doubt. But maybe because everything else hadn't gone according to plan, I had to find hope in something and so I found it my little guy. Thank you for proving me right Lucas!

Is that food on his shirt?

I am normally pretty obsessive about making sure Lucas and I look neat when we go out-I try to make sure our tags aren't outside our shirts, that we don't have any food remnents showing, but Saturday we had a miserable day together and I just needed to get the two of us out of the house. I managed to change my shirt because Mr. Lucas had already rubbed his snotty nose on the first one. But after I got him into the car seat and all the crap into the car, I noticed he had some of his lunch on his shirt and pants-and I didn't care.

I think he was teething and that is what made him a monster all morning. Feeding him was a physical sport. Nothing would give him comfort.

We did make it out to Target and he was pretty good. We even made it out to Marc's store for his photo shot. I am not sure why he has to act like a demon child when I am home alone with him on Saturdays. I know my mom will say that it is better that he behind when he is out but I would like a break every once in a while.

Our little night owl

Last night I fed Lucas his last bottle-normally he falls asleep while he eats so it is an easy trip to his room to put him in the crib. I guess last night he had other plans.

I had sent Marc out to get a ACE bandage for my ankle-I had twisted it about 10 days ago and it is still bothering me. After I saw that Lucas was not sleepy, I took him upstairs and put him in our bed while I started to put away the laundry. I know I should have just put him in his crib but I was too tired to deal with him crying. So he watched me fold the clothes while he played with my book and PJs. When Marc finally got home (I have NO idea where he needed to go to find a bandage), he was shocked to see the big guy still up, happily playing with my PJ bottoms.

Finally a little after 10, Lucas fell asleep. He had a pretty good night but woke up about 6:45am. That is his usual time but this morning he was grumpy. We told him that he didn't need to get up so early and that if he went to bed at a reasonable hour, his day would have started off better. Marc got him dressed and took him down for breakfast but he was still not happy. Marc finally brought him back upstairs and put him back into bed. He was still sleeping when I left at 7:15am.

I know hindsight in raising Lucas will be 20/20 but I really wish we just put him into the crib after his bottle, whether he is asleep or not. He needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own. And I wish we were better at giving him table food-it just seems like Marc and I are on such different paths. I try to talk with him about it but in the end I just get so frustrated that I end up yelling.

Back home

Well we made it-we traveled far and wide over the holiday weekend without too many troubles. It was WONDERFUL to spend time with John, Stacy and JT. It is funny to think that in a few months Lucas will be were JT is now-climbing all over everything. The weather didn't cooperate so we didn't get to have them play in the pool but we did have some nice time for them to "play"-playing at this age means that they know another child is there but they are more interested in doing their own thing than in playing with each other. I never realized how loud Lucas is until he is at another home. I hope the ringing is finally gone from your ears! JT was immediately attracted to Marc-it was great. Lucas didn't seem to mind sharing his daddy for a while. Lucas experienced his first swing and seemed to like it. We will be putting one up in the tree soon.

The trip to Buffalo was long but was fine for most of it. He loved watching his cousins Bryce and Caleb-laughed so hard at their antics that he got the hiccups. He went into Aunt Sue's big pool with me and had a good time-motivation for us to get the kiddie pool from Marc's parents. I hope he loves the water as much as I do! He got to interact with my cousin's baby Max who is a sweetie. Max is about 3 weeks younger than Lucas. Again, no real playing together but they did both like the mirror toy Lucas has.

Some firsts for Lucas: Eating rice, turkey, mac and cheese, strawberries, blueberries, birthday cake. He seemed to do OK with it all. Sleeping over an hour for a nap-haven't seen those days since he was a little baby.

It is good to be home-we were all unpacked by 6 or so, got the last load of laundry in the dryer before I left for work today. Let's just hope we get back on schedule over the next day or so!

Happy 10 month Birthday

I am in denial that you are 10 months old today Lucas. You are starting to no longer look like a baby:) You are eating more solid foods-we tried chicken and baked potatoes this week and I am sure there will be lots of new things on the menu this weekend. We had to get rid of the diaper changing table on your pack n' play and lowered the mattress-it is like a real play pen now. You love to get the mail-it has become a nice little game for us. You start to smile as soon as I open the mailbox and giggle when I hand you a piece to carry. You love to clap and get so excited when I pick you up from daycare. We had to put the new carseat in Dad's car-sorry no more sun canopy for you to play with. You are starting to learn more and I can see you thinking about things. You are starting to stand more when we hold you up and I think you will be crawling soon. I think you are teething and we hope that you get over that soon-it is making for some long nights and lots of drooling. We tried to get your feet on the grass but you weren't too interested. But you did want to touch it with your hands. You helped Daddy celebrate his first office Father's Day. He was so happy to share that with you.

We are headed on our first big trip this weekend-we hope you have fun playing with JT in Columbus and your cousins (Amy, Bryce, Caleb and Max) in Buffalo. You have already added so much to our lives and know more fun is ready to come.

Big Trip-are we crazy?

We have very dear friends in Columbus-John and Stacy (who are also regular blog readers). Because of Marc's work schedule and me not having any vacation time, we haven't gotten out to see them and have Lucas play with their son JT. We miss them and wish we lived closer or at least had more flexibility with vacation.

Well, since it is July 4th, Marc will actually be off of work for a couple of days. So we are planning a trip to see them-and we are SO excited! I wish it was tomorrow already. Of course nothing in my life is easy. Besides crashing with them for two nights (thanks again guys!) we are making a side stop to visit with Marc's aunt and uncle in Columbus, then on Saturday we are headed to Buffalo for my niece's graduation party-that trip has been planned for a few months now.

I am not worried about the trip to Columbus-it is only about 3 hours from here. We can do that. The trip to Buffalo is of some concern-it will be about 5 and a half hours. Normally Pittsburgh to Buffalo is between 4-5 hours. I guess we will just need to make a few stops and get Lucas out of the car from time to time. Thank God we got the new car seat installed!

JT is going to be a year soon so it will be great to see Lucas play with an older guy. I am sure JT will teach Lucas a thing or two. I already know that swimming is involved-this will be Lucas' first time and he has the cutest set of bathing trunks. They have turtles on them.

I just hope everything works out!

Frustrations Part 2

It is 3:37am and I am up. Lucas has not slept through the night in about a month. He has been congested for almost 2 months which seems to wake him up-part of that was because he got a late spring cold but now I am not sure what the issue is. It might be teething. Regardless, I got Marc to go to sleep and I rocked him from 2:30 to 3. But now I am up and know I won't be able to go back to bed. I have a headache (from repeated lack of sleep), an upset stomach from God only knows what and now my glands are swollen. The tea I just had doesn't seem to have helped.

I am just tired of it all-tired of fighting with Marc over the same things, tired of the crap happening at work, tired of having a to-do list that doesn't get me ahead, tired of having to pick up after everything in the house, tired of not feeling supported by our families, tired of feeling alone in all of this.

I feel so inadequate.

Frustrations

I think I am a natural problem solver-as I have been doing some reflection on what my next career path should be, I am finding that I am quick to offer suggestions and solutions when sometimes all that is needed is the ability to listen.

Unfortunately my problem solving skills are at a loss when it comes to Lucas these days. When he cries I know something is wrong but I have no idea where to start finding the answers-I move toys away, I give him different toys, I check his diaper, I talk to him, I pray that it is not his ears again. Last night nothing seemed to work-he was getting cranky when he was eating dinner and was acting tired. So I put him on the floor to play, thinking he would just lean back and take a cat nap. He was fine playing for a while (so I got to actually eat dinner) but in a split second he got hysterical. I thought he might be teething so I got him to cold pacifier-nothing changed. I thought if I rocked him, he would finally give into the sleep. Nope-he was not having it. Finally Marc came home and Lucas seemed to calm down a bit. Maybe I was the problem.

Right now Marc and I are in a battle of wills over the pacifier and feeding him solids. I do not want Lucas to have the pacifier when he is a year old-I hate seeing older kids with it. At this point he should be able to sooth himself-he has just grown too accustome to having it. Marc insists that he doesn't need it during the day yet we send him to daycare each day with it. I know we need to start not giving it to him during the day and gradually stop it at night. He is 9 and a half months old right now-he will be a year before we know it and my fear is that we will have accomplished nothing. Marc says that we need to slowly do it-how much slower can we get than not giving it to him during the day?

The solid food thing is another issue. At the 9 month check up, the doc said we could start giving him food off our plates. I am all for this-the sooner he gets used to having regular food, the better. I do not want to struggle like my sister and sister-in-law have with getting their boys to eat a variety of foods. I know my sister will admit it was because they didn't make Bryce eat what they were. I feel that if the doc says it is OK (within the allergy guidelines) we should not have an issue. Yes he only has 2 teeth but I am not giving him things that are really hard. Plus his gums are strong-all you need to do is have him put your finger in his mouth for you to know he can mash things pretty good. And I would not be giving him things he could easily choke on.

I just feel like it is me against the world lately.

Catching up

I am embarassed to see that the last time I blogged was June 11th-so much has happened since then:)

First, my birthday. We took Lucas to a hibatchi place. He was OK with it until people started to clap. Then he got upset.

Second, Happy Father's Day! I was so excited to have Marc officially celebrate this day-something I know he has been looking forward to for a long time. It was funny to hear him talk about how he is able to celebrate the day because of some one else-Lucas. We had a nice time with his family and took a nice picture of all the dads, ironically with all their sons.

Third, my first time without Lucas. I went to Providence for a conference last Tuesday to Friday. And even though I missed the boys, I was looking forward to getting away for a few days. It was strange to have a room all to myself and not have to worry about diapers or feedings. But I could not get home fast enough-my little guy was happy to see me. And boy was he dirty! So I got home, gave kisses and hugs and then it was upstairs to get a bath.

The Rocker

Soon after we found out we were expecting Lucas but before we even started "planning" anything in regards to the nursery, I knew I wanted a rocker. I love to sit in them and slowly rock away the trouble thoughts I sometimes have. I didn't care if the room was only 9*9, I couldn't picture the room without one.

We finally managed to get one and I love it. It has to be one of my favorite places to be. Sometimes when we are getting Lucas ready for his bath, I will sit in it and watch as Marc plays with Lucas and gets him undressed. There could be a ten other things I could be doing but I cherish that time so much.

And tonight at 12:45am, as Lucas got up for some unknown reason and Marc went in to comfort him, I willingly offered to rock Lucas back to sleep. I was tired and am still getting over this cold but I value the time I can hold my growing baby and rock him back to sleep. I know time is running out when he will let me hold him without putting up a fight. Lucas cooperated and let me hold him, not trying too hard to look at everything in his room or try to see where Marc had disappeared too. Soon enough, Lucas settled back into my arm, with his hands on his head and let himself fall back to sleep, giving into the rhythm of the rocking. I hated having to put him back into the crib and fought really hard the desire to stay in the room and continue to rock myself to sleep.

I often wonder what we will do with the rocker once Lucas outgrows his nursery-wonder if I can take it to work?

The 3rd of every month

On the third of every month I try to relive the night I had Lucas. And it seems as each month passes, I lose more of the details of that experience. I know about 12pm my parents arrived at the hospital, having left Buffalo about 8am. I know I saw them twice-once soon after they got there and again after Lucas was born. But why didn't I invite them to stay with me, at least for a little bit before I started to push? What was happening that was so critical that they not be in the room? I was just laying in bed, trying to come to peace with what was happening.

I know at 5:30pm the nurse told me to do a practice push. But that practice push went on for 156 minutes. I remember begging the doctor at one point to just get the baby out-I was tired and couldn't push anymore-this had beat me and my strength was crumbling to pieces.

I remember at one point having new staff in the room and they liked the classical music we had playing. When the CD stopped, they wanted to know what had happened to the music. HELLO! I am trying to give birth now and that CD we had been listening to for about 2 hours already. Can you worry about me and not the CD?

There are so many details I want to remember to be able to share to some degree with Lucas if he should ever ask, but I can't. I want to recall every second of that experience-doesn't every mom? But I have lots of holes.

Happy 9 month Birthday Lucas!

9 months big guy-can you believe it? Sorry you had to start your morning off by going to the doctors but we were afraid you had another ear infection-Thank God you didn't. I guess you are just a bit stuffy right now. Maybe it is those next set of teeth coming in that make you grab the back of your head? But you are still a growing baby-20 pounds, 9 ounces (with clothes as Daddy would be quick to point out). We will have to wait until next week to find out how long you are when you go in for your 9 month well baby check up.

So what are you doing now? You are consistently eating-you LOVE to eat your pureed foods. You even tried real food this weekend-cracker, pasta. Better things are coming. You have graduated from sitting in your car seat at restaurants to sitting in the high chair. You love to slap now-you think it is a game, we think it hurts. You are working your arm muscles by grabbing everything-the remote, table clothes, bags of chips, plates. Nothing is safe from you anymore. And you have learned that when I clap my hands at daycare, it is time for us to go and you hold out your hands to me:) Such a smart baby. You can pretty much sit up all by yourself and you love to roll onto your belly-you just don't like to stay there that long. You made another trip to Buffalo to see your "northern" relatives and you had another sleep over at Grandma and Poppa's.

You sometimes get anxious when you don't see me or Daddy. Don't worry, we don't go far.

We can't believe how big you are now and how much fun you seem to have with us (and Jeff). Know that we will always love you.

Prayers Requested for little Jacob

Please pray for the family of Jacob Fahmer-Jacob passed away on May 31, 2008. He was a Trisomy 18 baby and he lived for 139 days, beating the odds every day he lived. I have been reading their blog for a while now (http://www.fahmer.blogspot.com/) The family lives in Western New York.



I had initially wrote about him on March 2.

Going Home

Lucas and I ventured north this weekend to visit my family in Buffalo. It was good to be out of Pittsburgh, even if it was only for a few days. I feel so much more centered when I am "home." To sit on my parents' back deck and enjoy the sunshine was wonderful! It felt nice only having to take care of the two of us and not having to worry about making dinner or picking up the house. And where else but home can you watch your sister laugh so hard she spits rice out of her mouth and I, in turn, laugh so hard at her that I almost have pop come out of my nose. Good thing my brother wasn't there or things might have gotten out of hand;)

Everyone was amazed at home big Lucas has gotten-my sister and her family haven't seen him since February. It was a big weekend for Lucas as he tried real food for the first time. He ate some pasta and gummed on those teething biscuits-he made a mess that is for sure. He was eying the Buffalo wings from Duff's but even I said those were a little too much for him right now. He loved watching Jake the dog and Jake was happy to sit at the bottom of the high chair, ready to catch anything Lucas dropped.

Marc missed us-not sure who was happier to see the other; Marc or Lucas. And once we were home, it was back to the routine-laundry, dishes, dinner, picking up the house.

Pictures

The next few posts are of pictures we recently had developed. I thought it would be fun to share them with you-they are some of my favorites of Lucas and various family members. Enjoy them!

Hanging with Daddy

Lucas loves to lay on Marc's stomach. He gets laughing and giggling so hard. Marc sometimes gets annoyed because Lucas tends to drool a bit-but I say that is why I have a washer and do laundry on the weekends. Lucas really likes it when Marc coughs because gives him a little extra ride!

You're fired!

Here is Lucas doing his Donald Trump impression. When I comb his hair just right, he really does look like the Donald. This has to be one of my favorite pictures of Lucas-I love his smile and how bright his eyes are.