Several people have emailed me and said they have cried after reading my entries to date. My intention with this blog is not to seek pity. I wanted to share my experience with others.
Soon after Lucas was born, people would ask how I was doing. Should I give them the real answer? Should I tell them how I was struggling, that I resented the fact that everyone else got to go on with the lives they knew while I had to figure my new role out on my own? Should I tell them that I was still waiting to feel bonded to my baby? Should I list all the health issues I had developed soon after giving birth and that physical pain was debilitating? Or should I smile, cuddle Lucas and say, "why everything is fine. What else would you expect?"
When I did disclose some of my real feelings to my mom friends, they all told me that they felt, to some degree, the same way after the birth of their babies. But why don't we as women talk about this stuff? This is beyond the postpartum depression feelings. Why don't we talk about how it is OK to grieve for the life you no longer have, that you don't have the autonomy you had been used to. Yes, the joys of being a mom will outweigh these things but it takes a LONG time to be able to see that.
So if you know a new mom, please encourage her to read this blog and hopefully she will know that she isn't the only one who feels so unsure.
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