Lucas' birth story

Some background info: I am an Insulin Dependent Diabetic or a Type I Diabetic. I was diagnosed in November of 1975 and have been on insulin ever since. My condition has been pretty much kept in check but there are always risks when someone who has been a diabetic as long as I have becomes pregnant. My OB/GYN was great about treating me and dealing with the diabetes. She took some extra precautions with me but she was very supportive and felt that the pregnancy would be fine. Everything was great until August 31, 2007. I had been going in for twice a week stress tests for almost a month and at this appointment, they noticed my blood pressure was a bit up and my swelling had increased a bit. They wanted me to keep an eye on the pressure at home and if it continued to be high, I needed to call into the service.

Sunday we took my bp several times and it was still a bit high. We called the service and the doctor wanted to me come into the hospital just to be safe. I had just started to pack our hospital bag and we had finished putting together some last minute items in the nursery. Marc wanted to bring the bag with us and I thought he was crazy-they were just going to check me and send us home. When I got to the hospital they took me to triage and discovered that I had severe pre eclampsia. Things were a blur from that moment on. The nurses started to gather up my things and they said they were taking me to my room. I asked what room and they said to my labor and delivery room-I needed to have the baby now. I looked at them sobbing and said that I wasn't ready to have the baby, that the baby wasn't ready to be born yet. I was never so terrified in all of my life. I was desperate to control some aspect of what was happening but couldn't. We got to our room about 10:30pm.

They started me on Pitocin since I wasn't dialated but I was having pretty consistent contractions. It was a long night. They set me up for the epidural sometime after midnight but I didn't want them to start the drip yet-I was managing and wanted to only have to use the meds when things became unbearable. The doctor who set up the epi didn't realize this so he started the meds-this caused mine and the baby's bp to crash. I was in and out of consciousness for several minutes. Everytime I woke up, I saw Marc, my doctor and the nurses staring at the monitors, watching our stats.

About 12pm on Monday, September 3, 2007, my parents arrived from Buffalo. They spent the better part of the day outside my room with Marc's parents, sister and grandmother-so much for my wish to have no other family there for the delivery. A few times over the course of the day they came in to see me but we spent much of the time alone with all my medical staff. You know you have been in labor a long time when you see three different shifts of nurses come and go.

Finally at 5:30pm they said I could start to push. I pushed for over 2 and a half hours without the epi. I asked them to turn it off after I got to about 8.5 centimeters because I wanted to use the pain to push. I don't recall much of the details. I think a lot of it is because it was so intense, it is my brain's way of protecting me from the trauma. After a lot of work, they finally had to use forceps. Lucas Aidan was born at 8:06pm on September 3, 2007. We hadn't found out the sex but we both thought for sure I was going to have a girl. We were wrong. I remember the doctor telling Marc where to cut the cord, her saying it was a boy and Marc telling me he was breathing on his own and that he had a full head of hair. Lucas was 6 lbs, 5 ounces and 20 inches long. Not the typical preemie size.

I don't remember him crying for the first time, he was not placed on my chest to hold for the first time. We didn't take any pictures-all those firsts weren't for us. As an afterthought one of the NICU nurses brought him over for me to see before they took him to the NICU. I didn't even have the strength to touch his cheek. I felt that I had failed as a mother.