Deciding to have kids

Marc recently found a book that chronicled my school days. He laughed because most years I marked that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. That was not the woman he met back in 2001. At some point in high school I made the decision I didn't want kids. I am not sure if it was because I feel in love with science and wanted to be a professional, not a mom or if it was because I realized how serious being a diabetic was and that becoming pregnant could be very dangerous for me and my child. Plus I didn't think I had the temperament to be a mom-patience is a virtue I know nothing about. I would rather enjoy children from afar. When I was in college, my supervisor in residence life thought I was nuts for not wanting kids. She felt that I was so nurturing, I would be a great mom-who was she kidding?

And then I met Marc. And he wanted kids. We put it off for a while. Finally in January 2006 I caved and told him that if he was willing and he understood all the heightened risks, that we could start to try to have a family. I knew that he would be a great dad-there was no doubt in my mind about that. And then there was me-was I really going to be able to do this? But I developed Carpal Tunnel and decided to have surgery-so that meant putting getting pregnant on hold for a few months. I had surgery in April 2006. Finally, in August 2006, we found out we were pregnant. My parents were here for the weekend and as soon as they left, I took a pregnancy test. I was so nervous. Marc was so excited. We hated keeping the secret but we wanted to get through the first round of doctor's appointments before we let people know.

And then October 10, 2006 came. At 9 weeks, we lost the baby. It was discovered that I had a blighted ovum. The egg hadn't developed past the 6 week mark. We were devastated. We grieved and moved on. My doctor assured me that it was nothing I did wrong, the egg was faulted in some way and it was my body's way of protecting me. She said that we could try again in three months.

February 2007-we found out we were pregnant again. We walked as if on egg shells-I felt that things would not be certain until I delivered and held our baby. The projected due date? October 11, 2007-the day I had the D&C a year before. We were stunned by the coincidence.