Reunion of New Moms

We were in Buffalo this weekend for the wedding of a dear college friend. I was able to catch up with two friends I haven't seen in a number of years. As we chatted and got up to speed on the happenings in all of our lives, I realized that we each had experienced some struggles with having children. One friend had complications that resulted in her not being able to have any more children; the other had a horrible experience where she lost some spinal fluid. She still has trouble holding her two year old when she is standing up. The conclusion we came to was that complications, whether they are minor or major, are more common than we think yet no one talks about them. These two women are also stay at home moms. I told them that I give them a lot of credit to be able to stay home. I know it is not for me. One was a former teacher and she said that for her own sanity she can't work-she would not be able to be a good mom to her kids if she was in the classroom 8 hours a day. My other friend said that she is worried about re entering the workforce again, after having been out for almost 6 years. It was nice to see their perspective.

Lucas was great on the trip-he got a little fussy in the car but he loves watching his older cousins play. It will be fun to see everyone here and playing for his first birthday. He has also cut two more teeth-both on the top. He didn't get a chance to go in Aunt Sue's pool but he did get some time in the sandbox and in the Stachewicz family swing. Sad to think we won't be back up until Thanksgiving.

Work Tangent

I know my posts have normally been about raising Lucas but I had to share these two stories from work:

I had an appointment with a graduate student in engineering to talk about job search strategies. I started to give her some suggestions on resources to use when she started to look around my office-it didn't take me long to figure out she was looking for a pen. Who comes to an appointment without a pen?

My appointments are only 30 minutes long and we have a policy that if you late more than 10 minutes, your appointment is canceled. A student was on my calendar last week for a 10am appointment. He gets here at 10:15am, is told the policy. He reschedules for yesterday at 9am-calls 10 minutes before to reschedule. Is rescheduled for today at 9am and again shows up at 9:15am. The receptionist asked him what the issue was and he said it was his bus-wouldn't you think to make the appointment a little later (say 9 or 10:30) if you know your bus is going to be late? Again, an engineer. They can create a paperbag but can't think their way out of it. I feel like the troll under the bridge.

UGH!

The Pacifier Wars

Over the last two weeks or so, we have been weaning Lucas off his pacifier. I hated that he used it but they started to give it to him in the NICU to encourage him to suck so we just went with it. One of Lucas' caregivers had mentioned that he was having a hard time falling asleep for naps and she thought it was because we were still giving him the pacifier at night. I felt stupid-of course that would impact him at nap time. So that was more motivation to get him off of it at night. Last Thursday was the first time we didn't let him use it at night and you know the story-he did fine. And earlier this week he did great with naps-slept more than an hour which he generally doesn't do.

Well yesterday another one of his caregivers told Marc that Lucas was having a really hard time with it, that it was hard for him at nap time and he really wanted a pacifier since all the other children had one. I was PISSED! First, yesterday he had a horrible day in general-the night before he was up because of his teething so yes, he is going to have an off day. Second, the other children are significantly younger than him. Is he going to revert back to just taking formula because all the other babies are? Third, why would we give the pacifier back to him? We are trying to WEAN him of it! Will it be hard, yes, for everyone. I was just in shock that she was making a case for us to give it back to him. Finally, he didn't seem to have any issues the previous days.

On a different note, Lucas has figured out that instead of trying to crawl for a toy that is out of reach, he will just stretch his arms and then pull the playmat closer to him. Thus bringing the toy closer. His physical therapist said that was good problem solving skills; I guess that is a nice way to say he is lazy.

Let there be sleep

Lucas managed to sleep through the night all weekend long! I don't have such a good report on Jeff though-Saturday night he was up to his antics so into the basement he went. He was there again last night. Besides having Lucas sleep through the night, the better news is that he did it without having a pacifier!!!! YES! I hope that Marc sees how the pacifier was part of the issue. My goal was to have him weaned from it by his first birthday. I feel like I need to hide them now so Marc isn't tempted to give him one when Lucas gets fussy. I don't want to have to start all over again.

And I think our normal Lucas is finally back-he was a much happier baby on Saturday and even yesterday. He took over an hour nap in the afternoon both days (another huge feat for him) and spent some fun time in the pool.

The next two issues to tackle is getting him to feed himself and to eat more table food. He had mashed banana twice this weekend and seemed to like it. He will only eat puffs or Cheerios off his tray when we aren't look-seriously, if we don't watch him, that is when he will pick something up and put it in his mouth. Weird kid. He is either too smart for his own good or lazy-GREAT.

And we played again-I think it helped a bit but I soon got bored. I have no interest in playing with a 10 and a half month old for extended periods of time. I know, call me a bad mom-just one more thing to add to the list.

We are headed to Buffalo again this weekend for a friend's wedding. Let's hope Lucas does as well on this trip as he did over July 4th.

A night of peace

Finally! After almost 2 months of Lucas waking up periodically at night, last night he slept through! Not one peep. And he was still sleeping when I left for work today. We also didn't put Jeff in the basement-maybe that was the connection. Lucas needs Jeff to be free in order to sleep. I will run that theory by Marc and see what he thinks;)

We also played again last night-maybe that is the key. Since it was so hot here, we filled up the little pool and let Lucas have a little swim. He loved to splash, wasn't too sure about me putting my feet in the pool.

He is so close to crawling-Jeff is his big motivator. Any day now I think he will do it. We are being re-evaluated on Wednesday for the physical therapy services we get. Hard to believe we have been doing it for 6 months. I know our case advocate will be shocked to see how big Lucas has gotten.

Playtime

I stress-if you haven't figured that out by now. I have always done this. Even as a child I would get stressed when my mom ran the bath water but didn't stay in the bathroom as the tub filled. I was afraid it would flood.

Tuesday when I picked Lucas up, I could tell he had an off day without any of his caregivers saying anything to me. The sign was seeing him being rocked by Judith. Normally he is on the floor playing when I picked him up. So on the way home I just let go of any plans I had to get work down around the house. I figured it was going to be a long night for us. I took him upstairs and tried rocking him. He seemed content for a while but soon after Marc got home, things got ugly. I didn't even attempt to feed him, just gave him a bottle for dinner. He took that without too much fighting. Marc ran out to get us some food and I set him down on the floor to see if he would play for a while. sure enough, he was fine with it. Marc and I took turns eating while the other played with Lucas on the floor. Normally I would have been obsession about what I wasn't getting done but I guess that night all of us just needed some playtime together.

We always encourage Lucas to play but I don't think we have played together as a family-it was a nice change.

This saying was on a flip chart in one of our meeting rooms: Mathematics is essential for the development of children . . .so is playtime.

NICU revisted

I have been reading this blog about a family dealing with CF. They had a baby in January at 25 weeks-Gwyneth Rose. She was a micro preemie. The dad, Nathan, finally has blogged about what his emotions were that first day, trying to bond with his baby girl in the NICU. She was less than 2 pounds when she was born.

I could certainly understand some of what he was feeling, though I would never imagine to think our situations were the same. Through those first days, despite all the tests and medical information we were given about Lucas, I never thought he wouldn't make it-it never entered my mind that he wasn't going to leave the hospital. I didn't know when this would happen and I expected there to be some linger health issues, but I firmly believed that he would make it. I have no idea where that strength came from-was it mother's intuition? Was it already knowing how strong my little guy was, that he was a fighter and would prove them wrong? I just think that when faced with a "crisis" like ours, being taken off guard by having to deliver early, I would have expected there to be some doubt. But maybe because everything else hadn't gone according to plan, I had to find hope in something and so I found it my little guy. Thank you for proving me right Lucas!

Is that food on his shirt?

I am normally pretty obsessive about making sure Lucas and I look neat when we go out-I try to make sure our tags aren't outside our shirts, that we don't have any food remnents showing, but Saturday we had a miserable day together and I just needed to get the two of us out of the house. I managed to change my shirt because Mr. Lucas had already rubbed his snotty nose on the first one. But after I got him into the car seat and all the crap into the car, I noticed he had some of his lunch on his shirt and pants-and I didn't care.

I think he was teething and that is what made him a monster all morning. Feeding him was a physical sport. Nothing would give him comfort.

We did make it out to Target and he was pretty good. We even made it out to Marc's store for his photo shot. I am not sure why he has to act like a demon child when I am home alone with him on Saturdays. I know my mom will say that it is better that he behind when he is out but I would like a break every once in a while.

Our little night owl

Last night I fed Lucas his last bottle-normally he falls asleep while he eats so it is an easy trip to his room to put him in the crib. I guess last night he had other plans.

I had sent Marc out to get a ACE bandage for my ankle-I had twisted it about 10 days ago and it is still bothering me. After I saw that Lucas was not sleepy, I took him upstairs and put him in our bed while I started to put away the laundry. I know I should have just put him in his crib but I was too tired to deal with him crying. So he watched me fold the clothes while he played with my book and PJs. When Marc finally got home (I have NO idea where he needed to go to find a bandage), he was shocked to see the big guy still up, happily playing with my PJ bottoms.

Finally a little after 10, Lucas fell asleep. He had a pretty good night but woke up about 6:45am. That is his usual time but this morning he was grumpy. We told him that he didn't need to get up so early and that if he went to bed at a reasonable hour, his day would have started off better. Marc got him dressed and took him down for breakfast but he was still not happy. Marc finally brought him back upstairs and put him back into bed. He was still sleeping when I left at 7:15am.

I know hindsight in raising Lucas will be 20/20 but I really wish we just put him into the crib after his bottle, whether he is asleep or not. He needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own. And I wish we were better at giving him table food-it just seems like Marc and I are on such different paths. I try to talk with him about it but in the end I just get so frustrated that I end up yelling.

Back home

Well we made it-we traveled far and wide over the holiday weekend without too many troubles. It was WONDERFUL to spend time with John, Stacy and JT. It is funny to think that in a few months Lucas will be were JT is now-climbing all over everything. The weather didn't cooperate so we didn't get to have them play in the pool but we did have some nice time for them to "play"-playing at this age means that they know another child is there but they are more interested in doing their own thing than in playing with each other. I never realized how loud Lucas is until he is at another home. I hope the ringing is finally gone from your ears! JT was immediately attracted to Marc-it was great. Lucas didn't seem to mind sharing his daddy for a while. Lucas experienced his first swing and seemed to like it. We will be putting one up in the tree soon.

The trip to Buffalo was long but was fine for most of it. He loved watching his cousins Bryce and Caleb-laughed so hard at their antics that he got the hiccups. He went into Aunt Sue's big pool with me and had a good time-motivation for us to get the kiddie pool from Marc's parents. I hope he loves the water as much as I do! He got to interact with my cousin's baby Max who is a sweetie. Max is about 3 weeks younger than Lucas. Again, no real playing together but they did both like the mirror toy Lucas has.

Some firsts for Lucas: Eating rice, turkey, mac and cheese, strawberries, blueberries, birthday cake. He seemed to do OK with it all. Sleeping over an hour for a nap-haven't seen those days since he was a little baby.

It is good to be home-we were all unpacked by 6 or so, got the last load of laundry in the dryer before I left for work today. Let's just hope we get back on schedule over the next day or so!

Happy 10 month Birthday

I am in denial that you are 10 months old today Lucas. You are starting to no longer look like a baby:) You are eating more solid foods-we tried chicken and baked potatoes this week and I am sure there will be lots of new things on the menu this weekend. We had to get rid of the diaper changing table on your pack n' play and lowered the mattress-it is like a real play pen now. You love to get the mail-it has become a nice little game for us. You start to smile as soon as I open the mailbox and giggle when I hand you a piece to carry. You love to clap and get so excited when I pick you up from daycare. We had to put the new carseat in Dad's car-sorry no more sun canopy for you to play with. You are starting to learn more and I can see you thinking about things. You are starting to stand more when we hold you up and I think you will be crawling soon. I think you are teething and we hope that you get over that soon-it is making for some long nights and lots of drooling. We tried to get your feet on the grass but you weren't too interested. But you did want to touch it with your hands. You helped Daddy celebrate his first office Father's Day. He was so happy to share that with you.

We are headed on our first big trip this weekend-we hope you have fun playing with JT in Columbus and your cousins (Amy, Bryce, Caleb and Max) in Buffalo. You have already added so much to our lives and know more fun is ready to come.

Big Trip-are we crazy?

We have very dear friends in Columbus-John and Stacy (who are also regular blog readers). Because of Marc's work schedule and me not having any vacation time, we haven't gotten out to see them and have Lucas play with their son JT. We miss them and wish we lived closer or at least had more flexibility with vacation.

Well, since it is July 4th, Marc will actually be off of work for a couple of days. So we are planning a trip to see them-and we are SO excited! I wish it was tomorrow already. Of course nothing in my life is easy. Besides crashing with them for two nights (thanks again guys!) we are making a side stop to visit with Marc's aunt and uncle in Columbus, then on Saturday we are headed to Buffalo for my niece's graduation party-that trip has been planned for a few months now.

I am not worried about the trip to Columbus-it is only about 3 hours from here. We can do that. The trip to Buffalo is of some concern-it will be about 5 and a half hours. Normally Pittsburgh to Buffalo is between 4-5 hours. I guess we will just need to make a few stops and get Lucas out of the car from time to time. Thank God we got the new car seat installed!

JT is going to be a year soon so it will be great to see Lucas play with an older guy. I am sure JT will teach Lucas a thing or two. I already know that swimming is involved-this will be Lucas' first time and he has the cutest set of bathing trunks. They have turtles on them.

I just hope everything works out!

Frustrations Part 2

It is 3:37am and I am up. Lucas has not slept through the night in about a month. He has been congested for almost 2 months which seems to wake him up-part of that was because he got a late spring cold but now I am not sure what the issue is. It might be teething. Regardless, I got Marc to go to sleep and I rocked him from 2:30 to 3. But now I am up and know I won't be able to go back to bed. I have a headache (from repeated lack of sleep), an upset stomach from God only knows what and now my glands are swollen. The tea I just had doesn't seem to have helped.

I am just tired of it all-tired of fighting with Marc over the same things, tired of the crap happening at work, tired of having a to-do list that doesn't get me ahead, tired of having to pick up after everything in the house, tired of not feeling supported by our families, tired of feeling alone in all of this.

I feel so inadequate.