We shouldn't have to ask

My sister and I recently had a discussion about balancing fulltime work, being a mom and being a wife-and all responsibilities that come in each of those roles. She had had an unusually busy week at work the week before and one night it ended with her in tears. She felt like she wasn't being a good mom or a good teacher because of all the things that were going on. My BIL (who is great by the way) tried to comfort her and replied to her statements by saying, "All you needed to do was tell me you needed me to pick up; you should have just asked." My sister replied back, "I shouldn't have to ask."

I feel that way more and more. Working Moms should not have to ask-for help, for someone to pick up the slack for them when their work schedule is crazy. I shouldn't have to ask.

I don't think that some partners of working moms get it-we struggle. Working 40+ hours a week in any job takes a majority of you time. As my boss says, we spend more time with each other at work than we do at home. Then we come home and for the most part, we then have to catch up with the kids on how their day went, get dinner ready, clean up after dinner, think about what dinner will be for the rest of the week and prep, clean up the house and then maybe, just maybe, get a chance to look at the paper or enjoy some down time with the family.

So when we get overly irritated because something is out of place or someone hasn't put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, it isn't because we are emotionally out of control or can't handle anything. It is because we shouldn't have to ask that someone else take care of the issue. We shouldn't have to ask.

Happy 4th birthday Lucas!

Hard to believe that Lucas turned 4 just over a week ago. He has been trying really hard to be patient, especially since we have lots of birthdays leading up to his. We would have an unofficial countdown for him-after Bryce's, mommy's, daddy's, Andrew's, Bapa's and finally Grandma's, it would be your birthday! Of course he thought that the day AFTER Grandma's birthday meant it was his. Silly boy.

The few days leading up to the big event was filled with lots of special things-Thursday he got to spend the day with Grandma because his daycare was closed. Friday he spent the day with me which included a trip to my office for about an hour. Saturday, which was his actual birthday, my parents arrived for the weekend which meant lots of time playing with my dad and putting puzzles together with my mom. We had a mini celebration with singing and a candle in his dessert. It was nice to celebrate with just the few of us. Sunday was the big day! My sister and her family came down just for the day and they joined the Rosen side of the family for all the fun. With 5 boys between the ages of 11 and 4, it made for lots of chasing, running and play fighting. Good times.

When I look at Lucas now I really see the boy he will become. He doesn't have the baby features mixed in with his big boy face anymore. It really is amazing. He is definitely starting to look more and more like the Rosen side than my side of the family tree. His eyes go back and forth in terms of color. If he is wearing brown or dark colors they look brown. But when he wears lighter colors they are green. A much darker green than mine. I think he would have a striking face if he was a green eyed, blond hair boy. I can dream.

He is officially in pre school now since the school year started. We love being at our old center again. We continue to get good reports on how he is doing. I hope that remains the same throughout the year.

The Big Trip

We are back from vacation and I am very very sad about it! Last week we spent some great time with my family at Wrightsville Beach NC. My brother was home for his leave from Afghanistan. He and Jayne were renewing their vows in front of friends and family. That was the reason for the trip but it was good to be together as a family again.

It was not without adventures though. Friday, July 22nd Lucas and I met my family, who were traveling in two cars from Buffalo, at a rest stop not far from our house. The plan was to drive together and stop in Wythesville VA for the night. My parents were going to call me once they got to Grove City so that would give me about an hour before they reached our meeting spot. Once they called I got Lucas in the car and we were off. Of course it was rush hour here and getting through the first tunnel was nuts! I debated about cutting through town but opted to just stay put. Luckily we made it to the rendevouz spot with about 10 minutes to spare. When I got there though I tested my blood sugar and found that it was very low! I had done some much that morning it completely drained my carbs and I was starting to crash. Not good when I had a 5 hours drive ahead of me. My family soon arrived and I got some regular pop in me. I just hoped that I didn't become too tired. I was so excited to see my family caravan pull into the rest stop. This was the first vacation we have had together in over 25 years. We were all looking forward to seeing Craig, spending time together and the beach!!!

Lucas did well on the trip. A few times he got whiney but my niece Amy rode with us for a good portion of the trip down. Plus we had a portable DVD player to keep him entertained for 2 hours at a time. He was excited because we would go through 4 tunnels on the first day of the trip, we were going to spend the night at a hotel, go swimming and he would get to eat at a restaurant! All the important things.

The trip was filled with lots of first for Lucas:

• seeing the ocean for the first time


• getting knocked over by a wave for the first time thanks to Aunt Sue


• swimming in salt water


• getting a ride in a kayak thanks to Uncle Gaw


• flying a kite


• flying a kite on the beach


• collecting sea shells


• being able to run back and forth from our blanket to the ocean on his own-under the watchful eye of Mom of course


• falling out of his bed-he didn't even realize what had happened, just that he was on the floor

I am so grateful that we were able to have this trip and opportunity to spend time with our family.

the Blur of June and July

Where has the time gone? I am in denial that is it almost the end of July and I have only 6 weeks until my students come back.

Lucas on the other hand has been really enjoying the summer, oblivious to the passing time. June was spent getting used to his new daycare and making new friends. I was glad to see him running around with other kids at the end of the day. He still doesn't tell us who he played with but we still try and pry the info out of him. His second day there his teacher remarked to me that the first day Lucas didn't say much which was to be expected. But the second day all he did was talk! At least the true Lucas was coming through. We went to Buffalo for a family party the second week of June. As always it was good to see the relatives. We got to sit by the fire pit and have popcorn. The rest of June was a constant stream of family things-father's day with the Rosens, Marc's birthday.

And before you knew it, it was July! I was sad that we opted not to go to Columbus this year for the 4th. It seemed like all we were going to do was travel this summer so I thought it was better to stay closer to home. We did go to Lucas' first amusement park that weekend-Idlewild. It was great! It took him a while to warm up to the rides but once he did, he had a great time. I have a feeling that Lucas isn't going to be a big risk taker so I was hoping that he would enjoy the park. After an initial snafu on kiddie bumper cars between he and Marc, he was more open to riding things. One was a hand cart that he needed to power himself. It was a pretty long track for little ones and I was sure he would have gotten stuck in the middle and thrown a fit. But he proved me wrong-he did slow down a bit at one point but he never stopped! I was proud of him. Marc is not a big ride fan and while I like some things, I am normally a big rider. I am hoping that Lucas will grow to like some rides so that he and his old lady can go on the wooden roller coasters at Kennywood or the Ferris Wheel together.

We have spent some nice times with our neighbors-watching movies outside, playing on swingsets, swimming in pools and catching lightning bugs.

I just want another month of this before it all slips away again!

Hugs and Kisses and Far Away Friends

The Hugs and Kisses
When Lucas was little, I started calling him Bug. Marc didn't like it because he associated it with dirt and grossness. But it was short for Snuggle bug or Cuddle bug, depending on the day, because we would spend hours just cuddling with each other. Today he still likes to cuddle up beside me when we are watching TV or sitting together. Lately Lucas has been very affectionate-as soon as I put him in his carseat at the end of the date, he tells me he wants to give me a hug when we get out. Before I leave for work, if he is up, he tells me he needs a hug and a kiss, before bed it is always a hug and a kiss. I love it! I love that he wants to be so affectionate with me. I might be biased but he gives the best hugs.

Now if I can just keep him from wanting to hug and kiss his friends at daycare, we will be all set!

Far Away Friends
We have friends that live in Columbus, OH that have a little boy a few months older than Lucas. The past three years we have visited them for the 4th of July holiday. It was fun to introduce Lucas to another little guy who's parents were our friends too! That normally doesn't happen. This year we opted to stay home. It was something I really struggled with but having just been in Columbus for a wedding and our upcoming trip to NC at the end of the month, I felt like we needed to be home.

Even though the two boys haven't seen each other since last year, they still both talk about the other one. I hope as they grow older they can become friends and remain in contact.

Death-the first of many life lessons

When I was growing up, my parents made it a point for us kids to experience death. And lucky for us, my father had lots of aunts and uncles who died so we were on a pretty constant tour of funeral homes. Years later, my mom shared with us that they did this not to make us miserable but to get us ready. My parents didn't want our grandparents to be the first person we saw dead and completely freak out. Made sense. And she was right. By the time my grandmother died in 1986, we knew what to expect.

Fast forward to 2011. Lucas is now experiencing death for the first time. We had to put my cat Jeff down last night. He had stopped eating and drinking about 5 days before. A trip to the vet found him completely dehydrated (which I would have expected) but also a mass in his intestines. There wasn't any humane options but to end his suffering. I knew it; Jeff knew it-in fact, he knew it last weekend but I wasn't ready. When we got the prognosis, I was really upset and Lucas could see that. He spent a better part of Wednesday night asking if I was OK and wondering why I was so upset. We opted to keep Jeff at the vet overnight so they could keep him hydrated and comfortable. That lead to a number of questions from Lucas about where Jeffy cat was. I could tell Marc was not comfortable at all with this. So I just told him that Jeff was very sick and he wouldn't be coming home but Mommy was going to help make him feel better. Lucas erupted into tears at dinner after I told him that. I am not really sure if he fully understood or was just crying because I was crying.

Thursday after work was when I went back to the vet-Marc had arranged for Lucas to be at our neighbors so I could have some peace. I am sure bringing home Jeff's empty cat carrier would have brought on a whole set of new questions.

This morning he asked Marc where Jeff was and Marc didn't know how to respond and I wasn't home.

Lucas is going to ask questions-he has grown up with Jeff always around. He would come sit in the family room when we all played. He would make his rounds and watch as I put Lucas to bed. Lucas would help me feed Jeff every night when we got home. He may have been just a cat to some people but he was part of our family.

Waiting for June 1st

Is it June yet? While we have some great plans this summer that I am anxious to get to and I normally don't want to wish for time to go faster, I can't wait for June 1st.

That is when we are finally back at Lucas' first child care center. Every day that Marc complains about something that annoyed him about our current center, I always remind him that we are almost done. You have to pick your battles right? And there really isn't anything we can do to change things. But then yesterday I picked Lucas up and neither of the two teachers who were overseeing the afternoon pick ups acknowledged me or said good bye. GRRRRRR.

They weren't even playing attention to what was happening on the playground. When I got there I looked over to they could see me and said hi. But I got nothing from them in return. They kept talking, not even making eye contact. The kids are better at seeing which parent was there and calling out the appropriate child's name.

But on June 1st, it will all change. We can last that long right?

The gift of neighbors

With the warmer weather finally reaching southwestern PA, we have been able to get outside and play more. And with venturing outside, we get to spend time with our neighbors:) We are lucky to have two really great families on either side of us-one has two little ones right around the same age as Lucas and the other one has a little girl about 9. Last night we had dinner outside with the two kids-it was so much fun! They had tacos and loved eating at Lucas' little picnic table. And after dinner off they went to throw balls, play on the swing set and run around while Jenn and I sat and chatted. I love how comfortable the kids are with each other. Every time we get together, it is like they just pick up where they had left off the last time.

When I told Lucas they were coming over for dinner, he got so excited and wanted me to get home faster. He spent the 30 minutes from the time we got home until when they were supposed to come over pacing the floor, staring at the back door and whining that he wanted M and C to come over.

It is important to me that he has these times. when I was growing up we always played with our neighbors. We were lucky enough to have several families on our street. I swear we were like a gang sometimes-playing kick ball, capture the flag, swimming in our next door neighbor's pool. I hope Lucas has the same kind of experience as he gets older.

Dreaming of Graduation

This past Saturday I had the pleasure of working all day are our school's graduation ceremony. Since Pitt is so big, many of the schools elect to have a separate ceremony to recognize the graduates. My school, the College of Business Administration, holds their ceremony the day before the main Pitt ceremony.

Having participated in two of my own graduation ceremonies where my name was called as I walked across the stage, I see the excitement in being recognized individually but all day on a Saturday? And it is only our office of four that stays the whole time . . .

Anyway, the point to all of this is that as the families started to arrive for the ceremony, a co-worker and fairly new mom asked me if I ever thought how I would look when Lucas graduates from college (in 2029). I said I would look great of course. But then I got thinking to how I would feel that day. Since I have had the benefit and privilege of a higher education-including my master's degree, I admit it is assumed that Lucas will got to college. And the way things are in high ed these days, he will need to go to Pitt where he will get free tuition, as long as I stay here until then. And if he goes to Pitt, he needs to be in engineering or business-but no pressure:)

Let's say all my skeaming works out and he does come here and does get a degree in business, and I am still working in CBA, I think it would be so amazing to be able to hand Lucas his diploma holder as he is recognized for graduating. I am normally not into being in the spotlight but I think it would be pretty cool to give my son his degree.

April in review

The month of April was spent looking out the window at the rain hoping for warmer weather:( What a lousy spring we have had! I can only hope that our summer is really, really nice. We finished our music class in March and I was really sad to see it end. We had such a good time and really enjoy our teacher, Karen. Karen told me that she really enjoys have Lucas in class. Of course he loves the opportunity to perform.

I took Lucas to the library twice this month and he loved it! The main Pittsburgh library is a few blocks from my office so we spend one Saturday there. He loved the books and the train table. We got books about pirates. When it was time to return his books, we went to a newly remodeled branch. Once again he loved the train table but also sitting in a chair that was shaped like a baseball mitt. This time we got books about eating peas and Olivia.

Lucas was really excited about Easter this year-they had been talking a lot about it at daycare and he was looking forward to coloring eggs. He did a really good job being patient with the eggs.

This month Lucas had many interesting one liners. Here are some of the highlights:
Lucas: Mommy, we have Jesus' cat.
Me: We do?
Lucas: Yes-Jeff is Jesus' cat.

Lucas: Mommy, I am smart.
Me: You are? Who told you that?
Lucas: Me.

While in church on Palm Sunday, after the congregation had responded that Jesus should be crucified, Lucas said "Yes" in response.

While in church the past two weeks, Lucas asked where Jesus and God were. I said they were all around us all the time. He asked if they were playing hide and seek.

The price of childhood-$55.00

Strange title I know. I just took part in a great consignment event called Snuggle Bugs. It is held twice a year and this is the 4th time I have been a consignor. Since we aren't having any more kids and don't have anyone to pass things onto, I sell a lot of things Lucas has outgrown. Whatever doesn't get sold you have the option to donate to charity which is the option I normally take. This time around I sold Lucas' changing table and his crib bedding. I got $55.00 for them. And while I willing put the bedding on sale and event offered it at half price in the final days, I was sad when I realized it had actually sold. I mean, really really sad. So sad I wish I hadn't put it up for sale. WTH? It is bedding! From JCPenney's. Someone else was going to be able to use it for their new little one. But I felt crushed. I have kept a number of Lucas' things-outfits I really liked on him. I know by the time he has kids they will be out of date and style, not to mention will probably have fallen apart. But it will be fun to show him in a few years how small he was. But the bedding-why am I so attached to this? He never used the quilt (he is clearly his father's child) and the theme was just "Hey Diddle Diddle." I believe that memories are not attached to things so I normally don't have an issue donating or giving things to other people. My memory is still pretty good that I don't need to have an object around to recall the feelings. So this whole attachment to a quilt that Lucas never used is mind boggling to me.

Life is Messy-Get Dirty

In my natural preference, I am neat and organized. I love having everything in place-at least everything that I can control. But I am also well aware that there are times when things will be messy and disorganized. For example, right now there is a load of Lucas' clean laundry sitting in the living room. It is folded but I just haven't found the time to get it up to his room. I have a number of winter clothes on my hope chest waiting to be put away when I swap my spring clothes. Does it annoy me that they are there, yes. But I haven't had the time to devote to completing that project like I should. So they will wait there at least another day.

I also love two things that tend to be messy-gardening and cooking. What gets me through the messy stage in either of these two activities is knowing that I can clean up at the end it everything will look great!

Today's Daily Groove message from Scott Noelle talks about Life being messy. Our culture takes a negative view of messiness in the normal order of things. When it comes to raising children, messy is just the new normal. I know that and have come to accept that. Do I teach Lucas the importance of cleaning up, yes. Do I encourage behavior that will lead to less messiness, yes. But he if decides that he wants to drag his soldiers out and dumps them on the floor as part of some great imaginary game he is playing-GREAT! If he wants to take his shoes off to see how the sand feels in his toes-go for it! You have to be messy to experience the joys of life. My mom got him rain boots several weeks ago so he could jump in the puddles. I have been waiting for a chance to get these on him. I can't wait for him to help me with the garden. I even bought him his own set of gardening tools for Easter.

What I don't get is that Marc, who is normally not as organized or neat as me, gets very bothered by me encouraging Lucas to be messy. I can just see the anxiety rising in him when things start to get a little out of control. I just keep telling him that is why we have water, soap, a washing machine and extra clothes.

Patience and the Evil TV

For the holidays this year, Lucas got a number of classic childhood board games-Candyland, Shutes and Ladders, Hi Ho Cherrio, Memory. I knew it was time to introduce him to the skills learned through board games, mainly following directions and patience. Well, he is clearly as patient as him mother his which is not saying much.

We broke out Shutes and Ladders about two weeks ago after dinner. I have fond memories of playing this game with my sister and grandma when I was younger. It is the game that brought on our family's infamous cheating incident. I had dreams of having great family games nights where we would gather around our dining room table and laugh at all the fun we were having. But I wanted that dream to happen now-clearly it wasn't going to work that way. Lucas didn't want to wait his turn, he didn't want to follow directions. I was growing more and more frustrated by the minute.

And then I just gave into it. I forgot all about teaching Lucas the skills and following the rules to the game-after all it was the first time he had even played it. He decided he was going to move his game piece all over the board, have him knock into the other game pieces, go down the ladders and up the slides. Who cares? We have time to try again . . .

The reason I wanted to have the game night was because I hate how much TV Lucas is watching. I won't tell you when or how much because I am embarassed but it is more than I want him to. Yes, it is educational programming but we have three rooms full of toys he doesn't touch because of the TV. So the night we introduced the games was a no TV night. And we have had a few other times when the TV has been off. And it is wonderful! I admit, having the TV on is an easy distration when I am trying to get dinner ready or some other household task that I struggle with as a working mom. But I hate it. This past weekend we didn't get to our normal music class because I had another commitment. When we got home, Lucas asked to put his music on. So I grabbed the CD player and he was so excited to help me put the CD in and then push the play button. We listened to two CDs worth of music and had a great time. He sang, danced and played with toys he hasn't touched in a while.

The Love of a Mom

Someone I knew from high school recently posted a story about her cousin on Facebook. The cousin, let's call her Diana, was the mother of two boys and lost her battle with cancer. My friend was posting the story as a rememberance and included some pictures of her and her sons. Even though I had never met Diana, I took a look at the pictures. What struck me initially is that any picture she had with her boys, she wasn't looking at them, she wasn't doing silly things or making a goofy face like they were. Rather, she was looking straight into the camera. While her boys posed in all different ways and with silly faces, as boys that age will do, her look remained the same.

At first I thought it was because she was at peace with the course her illness was taking. There may not have been any options left and she was doing things to enjoy her time with family. And the pictures were a record of that special time. Then it dawned on me-these pictures were for her boys.

She knew she didn't have much time so her expression in every picture said the same thing to her boys: Don't be afraid and don't be sad.I will always love you, I will always be with you and I will always be your mom.

I can't even begin to imagine how important she knew those pictures would be to her sons in the days, months, years to come as they grow and become adults. Those pictures are going to serve as a living legacy to her boys.

What a wonderful thing to give them.

Face2Face

I saw there is a new group forming in the 'Burgh that is for women who have suffered pregnancy or infant loss. It was posted on a discussion board I check and I though, "Why not?" I joined and quickly got an invite to their first gathering. It is close to work, on a night that I happen to be staying here late. I want to go but I don't want to be "that person" who suffered losses but now has a child. Some people can see past that and some can't, depending where they are in the grief process. I might just email the organizers and see what they think.

I think it is important to have this resource and stop with the shame in admitting you suffered a loss. I can certainly speak to how miserable and jealous I felt when people close to me were experiencing the joy of a new baby while I was morning the loss of mine.

The Big Boy Bed

Lucas is in love.

He can not get enough of his new bed. We had him all geared up for the crib coming down and the mattresses coming on Saturday.

At one point on Saturday he brought his stool into the living room so he could look out the window for the delivery truck.

And finally, at 3pm, they arrived! It took less than 5 minutes to get the mattress set on the frame and then it was ready. I was expecting the set to sit lower in the frame and I was even a bit worried about how Lucas would handle it. But he proved me wrong again-within an hour he was climbing in and out of the bed like a pro. He was so excited. I got the sheets out-he wanted blue ones, set up the bed rail, got his Toy Story comforter out and then it was playtime on the bed!!!

He looks for any opportunity to be in it-he even tells us know that he is tired which is just a plot to get upstairs but who cares! I have found him on several occasions in bed reading to his animals.

He has done really well with it and his room looks great!

Big step this weekend!

Lucas gets a big boy bed!!

My parents graciously bought us a beautiful twin bed frame in the fall. And it in parts in our second bedroom. We just weren't in a position to buy the mattress and box spring.

When Marc realized it was a twin and not a toddler bed, he was pissed. He came up with a thousand reason why we shouldn't put it up: it would be too high for Lucas, it won't fit in the room, he doesn't need it, etc.

One day I pulled everything out of Lucas' room to prove to Marc that it would fit (with almost three feet to spare) and we ordered the mattress set last weekend. It gets delivered tomorrow. So last night was the last time Lucas will sleep in a crib! Tonight when I get home I am going to change everything out-put his new dresser in, change out his clothes from his changing table to the dresser, take apart the crib and set up the frame. Lucas and I will sleep in the second bedroom tonight.

He has been so excited. He keeps telling me that I need to get him a pillow and he needs a blanket. Lucky for him Santa gave him a Toy Story comforter for Christmas and we have an over abundance of pillows.

I just hope that Marc gets over his hangups about this. As the woman at the mattress store said, Lucas is going to have this bed until he goes to college. Unless his tall gene develops and he outgrows it!

The Holidays revisited

I am a slacker (again) I know. So as the City of Pittsburgh prepares for a HUGE amount of snow (4-6 inches in the next 36 hours), I will share happy thoughts with you about our holidays.

Lucas wasn't sure what to make of lighting the Menorah for Hanukkah. At first he thought we should blow the candles out or sing happy birthday. By the end of the 8 nights, he was yelling Happy Hanukkah! Now it will be fun to see what he does at the next birthday party. Marc's mom hosted Hanukkah dinner. My sister in law and I have been manning the griddles that past few years. We are the Latke Ladies. It is fun to do and let's the dads oversee the kids for a while.

We then went to Buffalo to celebrate Christmas with my family. Lucas and I left a day before Marc since he had to work. Except for driving in the snow in balled tires, the trip was great! As my long time readers will remember, Lucas doesn't always act nicely towards my mom. I hate it and I am sure he picks up on my anxiety and stress about the situation. But this time on the way up, Lucas and I talked about how much Nana loves him and she doesn't want to see him cry and be upset at her house. He told me he wasn't going to cry. I also gave him the option of stopping for lunch in Erie or driving straight through. He told me he wanted to eat lunch at Nana's. That was a huge step forward.

When we arrived, he didn't get upset. He stayed in the house with my mom while I unloaded the car and even sat on her lap while they watched TV. HUGE!!! He was good for her most of the time we were visiting. And he loved sleeping in the toddler bed they have for him. Now if only we can get our act together and get his twin bed set up.

Lucas has this game at my parents house. He will turn the light on in his room when we put him to bed and keep it on all night. I would often turn it off when I went to bed but in the morning, it is on again. I think it is more because he can reach the light rather than he is scared. On Christmas Eve I told him that we needed to keep the light off. If Santa stops at our house and sees his light on, Santa will think that we are still up and not come in. Sure enough, that light stayed off all night long. His child care center also sent home magic reindeer food. We were supposed to put it in the yard so the reindeer knew where to stop. It was a mixture of glitter and oats. Lucas and I left it on the deck in the snow. It was such a cute thing to do. I will continue that in years to come.

My mom said he was really good while opening presents. He waited while I showed him each gift that he took out before tearing into another one. It is nice to see rather than one of my nephew's is isn't very patient.

All in all, we had a good holiday season. Now Lucas is counting down the days until Santa comes again.

Potty training

Happy New Year!

Our year started off with a new adventure-potty training. We had been working with Lucas on this for a few months. We started putting him on the potty before bed and he did well with it.

Since I was off for about 12 days for the holidays (one perk of working at a university), I decided to just go for it. So New Years Eve, I put Lucas in big boy pants and we haven't looked back. He has done well. We have had one accident in a week. I was a little nervous about having him go back to school but he has been great. His teachers have said he is doing a really good job.

He is still in pullups for naps and over night but that will come. I am so proud not only of what Lucas has accomplished but what Marc and I have done too.

We are celebrating on Monday with dinner at the fine dining establishment of Chuck E. Cheese.

I know you are all jealous.

Fed up

I am fed up. And not with the usual suspects (lol).

I just read a post on a local discussion board from a new mom who felt like a failure because she started meds for Postpartum depression. She is also giving herself the guilt trip because she doesn't want to harm her new baby by passing the meds through her breastmilk.

HELLO!

Why can't we acknowledge the ugly side of pregnancy and motherhood? Why do we need to feel shamed because we have PPD or didn't breastfeed or had to have a c-section or lost a baby? What is wrong with us as women and mothers?

Wake up-nobody is perfect. There is no shame in admitting that things are quite as you had planned. It is more shameful to act like nothing is wrong.

I hear people say that they are weak and that is why they needed to ask for help. I see it the other way around-you have to be really strong to recognize you need help and the wisdom to ask for it.