Frustrations

I think I am a natural problem solver-as I have been doing some reflection on what my next career path should be, I am finding that I am quick to offer suggestions and solutions when sometimes all that is needed is the ability to listen.

Unfortunately my problem solving skills are at a loss when it comes to Lucas these days. When he cries I know something is wrong but I have no idea where to start finding the answers-I move toys away, I give him different toys, I check his diaper, I talk to him, I pray that it is not his ears again. Last night nothing seemed to work-he was getting cranky when he was eating dinner and was acting tired. So I put him on the floor to play, thinking he would just lean back and take a cat nap. He was fine playing for a while (so I got to actually eat dinner) but in a split second he got hysterical. I thought he might be teething so I got him to cold pacifier-nothing changed. I thought if I rocked him, he would finally give into the sleep. Nope-he was not having it. Finally Marc came home and Lucas seemed to calm down a bit. Maybe I was the problem.

Right now Marc and I are in a battle of wills over the pacifier and feeding him solids. I do not want Lucas to have the pacifier when he is a year old-I hate seeing older kids with it. At this point he should be able to sooth himself-he has just grown too accustome to having it. Marc insists that he doesn't need it during the day yet we send him to daycare each day with it. I know we need to start not giving it to him during the day and gradually stop it at night. He is 9 and a half months old right now-he will be a year before we know it and my fear is that we will have accomplished nothing. Marc says that we need to slowly do it-how much slower can we get than not giving it to him during the day?

The solid food thing is another issue. At the 9 month check up, the doc said we could start giving him food off our plates. I am all for this-the sooner he gets used to having regular food, the better. I do not want to struggle like my sister and sister-in-law have with getting their boys to eat a variety of foods. I know my sister will admit it was because they didn't make Bryce eat what they were. I feel that if the doc says it is OK (within the allergy guidelines) we should not have an issue. Yes he only has 2 teeth but I am not giving him things that are really hard. Plus his gums are strong-all you need to do is have him put your finger in his mouth for you to know he can mash things pretty good. And I would not be giving him things he could easily choke on.

I just feel like it is me against the world lately.

Catching up

I am embarassed to see that the last time I blogged was June 11th-so much has happened since then:)

First, my birthday. We took Lucas to a hibatchi place. He was OK with it until people started to clap. Then he got upset.

Second, Happy Father's Day! I was so excited to have Marc officially celebrate this day-something I know he has been looking forward to for a long time. It was funny to hear him talk about how he is able to celebrate the day because of some one else-Lucas. We had a nice time with his family and took a nice picture of all the dads, ironically with all their sons.

Third, my first time without Lucas. I went to Providence for a conference last Tuesday to Friday. And even though I missed the boys, I was looking forward to getting away for a few days. It was strange to have a room all to myself and not have to worry about diapers or feedings. But I could not get home fast enough-my little guy was happy to see me. And boy was he dirty! So I got home, gave kisses and hugs and then it was upstairs to get a bath.

The Rocker

Soon after we found out we were expecting Lucas but before we even started "planning" anything in regards to the nursery, I knew I wanted a rocker. I love to sit in them and slowly rock away the trouble thoughts I sometimes have. I didn't care if the room was only 9*9, I couldn't picture the room without one.

We finally managed to get one and I love it. It has to be one of my favorite places to be. Sometimes when we are getting Lucas ready for his bath, I will sit in it and watch as Marc plays with Lucas and gets him undressed. There could be a ten other things I could be doing but I cherish that time so much.

And tonight at 12:45am, as Lucas got up for some unknown reason and Marc went in to comfort him, I willingly offered to rock Lucas back to sleep. I was tired and am still getting over this cold but I value the time I can hold my growing baby and rock him back to sleep. I know time is running out when he will let me hold him without putting up a fight. Lucas cooperated and let me hold him, not trying too hard to look at everything in his room or try to see where Marc had disappeared too. Soon enough, Lucas settled back into my arm, with his hands on his head and let himself fall back to sleep, giving into the rhythm of the rocking. I hated having to put him back into the crib and fought really hard the desire to stay in the room and continue to rock myself to sleep.

I often wonder what we will do with the rocker once Lucas outgrows his nursery-wonder if I can take it to work?

The 3rd of every month

On the third of every month I try to relive the night I had Lucas. And it seems as each month passes, I lose more of the details of that experience. I know about 12pm my parents arrived at the hospital, having left Buffalo about 8am. I know I saw them twice-once soon after they got there and again after Lucas was born. But why didn't I invite them to stay with me, at least for a little bit before I started to push? What was happening that was so critical that they not be in the room? I was just laying in bed, trying to come to peace with what was happening.

I know at 5:30pm the nurse told me to do a practice push. But that practice push went on for 156 minutes. I remember begging the doctor at one point to just get the baby out-I was tired and couldn't push anymore-this had beat me and my strength was crumbling to pieces.

I remember at one point having new staff in the room and they liked the classical music we had playing. When the CD stopped, they wanted to know what had happened to the music. HELLO! I am trying to give birth now and that CD we had been listening to for about 2 hours already. Can you worry about me and not the CD?

There are so many details I want to remember to be able to share to some degree with Lucas if he should ever ask, but I can't. I want to recall every second of that experience-doesn't every mom? But I have lots of holes.

Happy 9 month Birthday Lucas!

9 months big guy-can you believe it? Sorry you had to start your morning off by going to the doctors but we were afraid you had another ear infection-Thank God you didn't. I guess you are just a bit stuffy right now. Maybe it is those next set of teeth coming in that make you grab the back of your head? But you are still a growing baby-20 pounds, 9 ounces (with clothes as Daddy would be quick to point out). We will have to wait until next week to find out how long you are when you go in for your 9 month well baby check up.

So what are you doing now? You are consistently eating-you LOVE to eat your pureed foods. You even tried real food this weekend-cracker, pasta. Better things are coming. You have graduated from sitting in your car seat at restaurants to sitting in the high chair. You love to slap now-you think it is a game, we think it hurts. You are working your arm muscles by grabbing everything-the remote, table clothes, bags of chips, plates. Nothing is safe from you anymore. And you have learned that when I clap my hands at daycare, it is time for us to go and you hold out your hands to me:) Such a smart baby. You can pretty much sit up all by yourself and you love to roll onto your belly-you just don't like to stay there that long. You made another trip to Buffalo to see your "northern" relatives and you had another sleep over at Grandma and Poppa's.

You sometimes get anxious when you don't see me or Daddy. Don't worry, we don't go far.

We can't believe how big you are now and how much fun you seem to have with us (and Jeff). Know that we will always love you.

Prayers Requested for little Jacob

Please pray for the family of Jacob Fahmer-Jacob passed away on May 31, 2008. He was a Trisomy 18 baby and he lived for 139 days, beating the odds every day he lived. I have been reading their blog for a while now (http://www.fahmer.blogspot.com/) The family lives in Western New York.



I had initially wrote about him on March 2.

Going Home

Lucas and I ventured north this weekend to visit my family in Buffalo. It was good to be out of Pittsburgh, even if it was only for a few days. I feel so much more centered when I am "home." To sit on my parents' back deck and enjoy the sunshine was wonderful! It felt nice only having to take care of the two of us and not having to worry about making dinner or picking up the house. And where else but home can you watch your sister laugh so hard she spits rice out of her mouth and I, in turn, laugh so hard at her that I almost have pop come out of my nose. Good thing my brother wasn't there or things might have gotten out of hand;)

Everyone was amazed at home big Lucas has gotten-my sister and her family haven't seen him since February. It was a big weekend for Lucas as he tried real food for the first time. He ate some pasta and gummed on those teething biscuits-he made a mess that is for sure. He was eying the Buffalo wings from Duff's but even I said those were a little too much for him right now. He loved watching Jake the dog and Jake was happy to sit at the bottom of the high chair, ready to catch anything Lucas dropped.

Marc missed us-not sure who was happier to see the other; Marc or Lucas. And once we were home, it was back to the routine-laundry, dishes, dinner, picking up the house.