A Snowy Day in Pittsburgh

Saturday we got our first major snowfall. We woke up to about 4 inches of snow. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait for Lucas to see it. We bundled up and headed out to do some shoveling.





We also got to see some deer tracks-I was really excited about this because I haven't seen our deer in a while. Now I have evidence that they still use our yard as a passthrough.



And the cardinals were eating from my kitchen feeder! They normally eat from the feeder in the tree. I was lucky enough to not scare this female away!

Playdates=Anxiety and other ramblings

Once again, it has been a long time since I updated our adventures. Maybe it is because I have become addicting to FarmVille on Facebook:)

Several weeks ago, I connected with two other moms from our daycare. One has a little girl about a year older than Lucas, the other a little boy who is 4 months younger than Lucas. We arranged to have a playdate at the little boy's house. Talk about anxiety! I hoped Lucas would behave, I hoped the mom wasn't evaluating everything I did. I PRAYED the boys didn't fight. Good news, everything went fine. They are a very nice family-the mom just got a job at the same university I work at. The boys did great together. Lucas wasn't a bully-he loved all the toys. The other little guy was following Lucas around and kept telling him to come on-and he cried so hard when we left:( We are hoping to do it again after the holidays.

Wisdom of a two year old
Our cat Jeff seems to have developed an allegric reaction to his food. I will spare you the details but we needed to take him to the vet. Normally Marc takes him when he is off on Mondays but I said I could do it with Lucas on Saturday. So this past Saturday I bundled us up, told Lucas we were not going to see Mommy's friends (what he assumes whenever we go someplace on Saturday) but to Jeff's doctor. Got the cat in the carrier and headed into town. Lucas was beside himself with joy at seeing Jeff in his carrier and right next to him in the back seat. Lucas kept asking why we were going to see the doctor and I said because Jeff's belly hurt. He thought for a minute and then asked me why don't I kiss it to make it better? After circling the block twice, I decided to just bite the bullet and park in their lot, behind the building. But that meant going up about 5 steps. We managed to get into the vet's where Lucas entertained the techs with his singing and saw two dogs. He kept asking when we were going to see the doctor for Jeff. I never saw a little kid so excited to be at the vet's. Jeff doesn't like much of anything in life, the least of which is the vets. So he was putting on a full display of bad behavior-Lucas didn't know what to make of it. When the tech took Jeff's temperature, Lucas lifted up his shirt and told her he wanted it done too. An hour later we finally left.

Hanukkah
Since we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas, I have been trying to teach Lucas about the dreidel, the menorah. I have been trying to get him to say Happy Hanukkah and he is getting better at it. The funnier thing is that he likes to sing the Dreidel song. I thought that to him last weekend. He does OK with the first two lines but after that it sounds like he is starting to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We have 6 more days until Marc's family Hanukkah so maybe we can perfect it by then.

Who are you sleeping with tonight
Lucas has never been a big one on having stuffed animals in his crib. About 9 months ago he started sleeping with a stuffed hammer and screwdriver but that was it. About two weeks ago, he started asking for his Ernie doll-fine. If it helped him get to sleep, who cares? Then it turned into wanting not Ernie, he could stay on the rocking chair, but his puppy. Again, fine. At least he can tell us who he wants. Well, then puppy wasn't enough-he need to have Rexy too. Rexy is his T rex. Last weekend, he wanted Elmo. Now Elmo is pretty big. He is about 2 and a half feet tall. But he cuddled up to him and slept fine. We also have Cookie Monster who is the same size as Elmo. At some point this week, Cookie was also invited to come to bed, but not with Elmo. Last night, it was Elmo and Cookie in the crib with Lucas. Now this is a bit much. Lucas woke up at 2am and was up off and one for an hour. Marc wondered if there was some fighting going on over the blanket. Whatever it is, everyone needs to get along if there are going to be that many of them in there. And I am not going to have the space to take everyone with us when we drive to Buffalo next week.

Reflection on Life at the Mall Food Court

Marc is in Dallas at his yearly professional conference. Our phone calls are normally about how boring his sessions are and how much he and his father have eaten. Since Marc is away, I was trying to think of special things to do with Lucas. Wednesday we needed to go shopping so I decided to head to our local food court for dinner then off to the grocery store.

While Lucas and I were eating our lovely dinners, some random thoughts came to mind. Like for as loud and active as he is normally, Lucas did great eating, undistracted, quietly and even in a regular chair! I didn't want to fuss with the mall highchairs. Sure, he probably could have used a phone book to boost him up a few inches but for the most part, he was able to reach his chicken tenders and didn't let all the other activity get in the way of our meal together. I was able to really look at him and realize that he is truly a little boy now. no more babies for him. That was just reinforced when he pulled up his pants after I had changed him and he is also tried to get his jacket off without my help. I know it seems silly-you are his mom, of course you should be noticing these changes in him, but sometimes they are really subtle and you don't see them.

I also had a moment of absolute panic there-I didn't have Lucas in his stroller, i figured he could use the walk and he is pretty good about holding my hand when we are out. As I tried to manage my purse, his diaper bag, our food while I had to go to a second food place to buy his milk, I lost sight of him for a half second. He was walking around next to me and within sight but suddenly, I didn't see him anymore. Luckily he was right next to me but i was looking farther out. all I could imagine is that someone had taken him and it wouldn't have been that hard. I would have been easy prey-a mom distracted by other things for only a second, a fairly busy spot in the food court and a little boy who was testing his freedom. I was sick to my stomach after that. I had my hand on his thigh all through dinner. At one point he asked me, "Why you holding me?" And I simply said because "I love you and don't want anything to happen to you."

The weekend home in pictures

The cats

Aunt Sue's dog, Yukon


In Bapa's vehicle


The Cousins


Nana watching Lucas eat Angel Food Cake


Amy, Lucas and Aunt Sue


A little boy's dream-trucks that make noise


Jake, Bapa's old dog

Random thoughts

A lot going on right now . . . Trying to keep up with things at work, at home, in life.

The GREAT news is that Lucas and I are venturing to the great white north for a visit this weekend. I.Am.So.Excited!!!! My sister and I are going to a wonderful craft fair Friday night and the rest of the time is going to be spent visiting with family. We haven't been home since June (I think) and that makes me sad:( There won't be any garden to play in at Bapa's house but at least Jake the dog will be there to entertain Lucas, and of course his boy cousins Bryce and Caleb. My excitement is beyond words. It will be good to get home.

The Confused news is that I think we might have made a mistake in changing daycares. I am a big fan of logic and logically all the reasons we made the change made sense. But then I had a feeling and I normally don't trust or rely on my feelings to make decisions or even to make sense of things. For those of you who are familiar with the MBTI, I am a HUGE S and T. OK, so it started first by not having daily contact with his classroom teachers at the end of the day. At the old center there was always someone from his normal class there when I picked him up so I always got a report of how his day was. At this center we rely on a paper that may or may not be filled out completely. His teachers are all gone by 5pm-granted, I can always call to see how he is doing but I don't always have the time to do that.

Second, they don't have many structured activities to expose him to things-the old center would bake every couple of weeks, do different activities centered on a theme. This center seems like they just pull out different toys and let the children play with them. And we never see any artwork! Every week the old center would send us home with things-too many pictures and projects for us to even hang up but it was nice to see.

And then the lunch program-one of the biggest perks to both the old center and the new center was that they provided lunch for the little man. HUGE thing for me. We were even willing to pay extra for it at the new center. It was worth not having to worry about getting a lunch together for Lucas every morning. And the old center had some pretty neat things to eat-not the typical school fare. But then we got notice that the new center was going to be stopping their lunch program. We are in day three of bringing Lucas' lunch and so far things are fine but it has been a hassle-I know, with time we will get into a rhythm. But they don't even provide milk for him! And the snacks they do provide are all carbs and sugar. Ugh.

I have been talking with two other moms who have children about Lucas' age at the center and they love it. I am hoping their perspective on things will ease my concerns. In the meantime, we have Lucas' conference this week and I am trying to figure out how to give them feedback in a positive way that doesn't get us labeled as "Those parents."

Another Confusing thought-could I really hang up my career and become a fulltime mom? It would certainly help with the feelings I have with the new center (lol). I really love the things that Lucas and I do, especially on Saturdays, and I love having Marc come home to a fairly organized house. I will always struggle with the balance of working and being a mom but I love on Saturdays to be able to have Marc come home to dinner cooking, laundry done, beds made-much too traditional for me, I know but I still like that feeling. But would I want to do that all the time? Probably not. While I love spending time with my little man, I need that adult interaction and mental stimulation.

But forget all of this, did I tell you I am headed home this weekend? I.Am.So.Excited . . . .

Mommy and her hero on Halloween

My other dependent

Long before I met Marc I had two cats-Mutt and Jeff. They were brothers that I got when they were about 6 weeks old. And while I clearly knew they were pets, they did fill in for family when I was living 5 hours away. They made me laugh, comforted me when I was sick and were good companions.

The cats were almost a deal breaker for Marc and I but Marc gave in and decided to take me and the cats. He loved Mutt-and they grew to have a nice bond. Jeff on the other hand, was always the dominate one and he has a clear bond with me and no one else.

We had to put Mutt to sleep on January 23, 2008. I still miss him. And even though the two cats often fought (someone was always walking away with clumps of fur missing), they provided company for each other. After Lucas was born, and we lost Mutt, Jeff didn't have a companion anymore. Marc clearly wasn't going to pay him any attention and I was, well, busy being a fulltime mom and fulltime employee. I know Jeff is lonely and I wish I could spend some time with him. Last night he laid on a pair of my jeans while I got ready for bed, his sad eyes just looking at me. I would love to get him a new friend and even found a beautiful 6 year old female cat who looks like she could go round for round with Jeff. She was also gentle which would be important for Lucas. Of course Marc is so turned off by cats now because of the way Jeff acts towards him. I don't know how many times I have told Marc that he has the more advanced problem solving skills and he should just walk away when Jeff acts up. I just don't want Jeff's remaining years to be lonely ones:(

Pumpkins, Friends and Why?

We have had some pretty nice things happen lately, nice and funny.

We went to go our pumpkins two weekends ago to this great family farm. It was the same place we went to last year but Lucas was so much more into it now. He wanted to help carry the pumpkins, got to ride a quarter horse, went on a hayride and climbed a giant pile of hay. What more can a little boy want? I think he is going to love pumpkins as much as his mommy does:) I decorated for Halloween this weekend and when Lucas goes into the Living Room, he says "Look what Mommy did." Too cute!





Lucas and I also got to have lunch with some of my Wheeling friends-three of them hadn't had the chance to meet him so it was a great time. They all loved his blonde hair. It is funny to think I have had these friends for 10 years and now they get to see me as a mom instead of some unattached activities director:)

And finally, we have hit the "Why" stage. Saturday I was telling Lucas something and he looked at me and asked "Why?" I stopped, looked at him and just laughed. I can't believe we have reached this point-maybe part of me thought we never would. Lucas wasn't too annoying with it. I had initially wanted to call Marc at work and let him know the newest fun but decided to let him experience it unwarned. When Marc got home Saturday, he was doing something with Lucas in the other room. He came back into the kitchen where I was making dinner and said, "When did Lucas start asking why?" I laughed and said, "This afternoon."

Finding the balance-an ongoing struggle

I seem to be struggling so much to find a balance with being a mom, working full time, taking care of our house and everything else that comes with being an adult. I am out of the house well before Lucas wakes up and when we finally get home, it is 5:15pm and I am off to start dinner. some days it feels like I don't stop moving until well after 9pm. How do other working moms do it? What do you sacrifice-do you let go of ever having a clean house, getting some exercise, staying in touch with friends, actually having a relationship with your partner? Weekends are just as busy and not with fun things. That is when I get to catch up on all the things I don't get done during the week-putting away laundry, prepping meals for the week, clearing the dining room table of all the junk that landed there during the week.

And now I am doing a job search on top of everything else. Ugh!

Our Amazing Lucas

For those of you who came here after reading my update on Facebook, sorry it took so long to update the blog. Some other things happened that got in the way of writing this entry.

Counting-this weekend Lucas was watching Sesame Street and the Count came on. He was counting to the number of the day. I wasn't really paying that much attention until I heard Lucas' sweet little voice counting along! He was about 2 seconds a head of the Count and made it all the way to 13. He loves to count the stairs as well.

The Alphabet-Marc was writing the letters of the alphabet on Lucas' new Aquadoodle. We haven't really practiced the letters yet but Lucas knew about 60% of them as Marc was writing them! Ya gotta love Sesame Street and all the reading we do.

Mr. Improv-Last night Lucas came into the family room carrying his Fisher Price popper sideways. He was mumbling something but as he got closer to me, I realized he was saying "Guitar" He was pretending the popper was a guitar and he was holding it pretty close to how you would hold a real guitar. Marc was watching the US Open yesterday when Lucas got up from his nap. when we came into the room, he immediately said "tennis". Then he picked up his frying pan and started to pretend to hit a tennis ball:) And finally, when Marc was playing on the Wii, Lucas picked up the second remote and put it on his wrist like a pro.

Internal GPS-one of the joys of living in Pittsburgh is being able to travel through tunnels. This past weekend we went to see friends south of the city so we went through not one but two tunnels. As we approached the first one, Lucas started calling out for "tunnel! tunnel!" He knows the road we take to get there before we can even see the tunnel. And when we drive by the street that our nephews live on, he immediately starts yelling for "my seany, my seany." Hopefully he will have a better internal sense of direction than Marc does:)

We are off to his 2 year well child visit tomorrow. I can't wait to get all his stats.

Happy 2nd Birthday Lucas

Lucas today


Lucas as a newborn


When and how did we get to this point? How is it that my little preemie boy who had to fight to breath is now a toddler who runs whenever he can, talks to me in full sentences and has a stubborn streak? It really is incredible. I always held to the fact that by the time preemies are two, you generally can't even tell they were early. They have usually caught up developmentally with their peers. I can now say that is in fact true:)

Marc recently posted videos to his facebook profile from last August. They were of Lucas just starting to crawl. His verbal ability was mainly to make squeaks and squeals. That was just a year ago. You would think it was more years than that when you now watch Lucas tear into the kitchen, try to move Jeff and tell me he is going to cook.

I can't wait to take him to Chuck E. Cheese tonight for dinner and celebrate with cupcakes at home. And maybe, just maybe I will get to squeeze him a little longer tonight and get a nice hug:)

Happy Birthday Lucas-we love you so much!!

First day at the new center

Lucas started his new daycare yesterday. I knew it was a good sign when I pulled into the parking lot and saw him running around their play ground smiling. He gave me a big huge and the late day teachers (who aren't in his room normally) said that he had a good day. There was a little crying in the morning but that ended as the day progressed. He seemed to get right into the flow of their activities, ate a good lunch and napped. I was worried about those last two things. He had so many people thinking of him-my mom said last night she was worried when she didn't get a call at 5:30pm with a full report on how things went. I hope today goes as well. I think that the second day is a little bit harder because it is settling in that this is the new place.

When Marc dropped him off this morning, he got to talk with his regular teachers and he got the same good report. They said they can see how much he comprehends things and mentioned he is a smart one (the key is to get him to focus on using that for the good) and can't believe he is only just turning two!

I know this will be good for him and we made the right decision.

Cuddle bug, Swine Flu and Car seats

This is a weird assortment of things but they have all been the most recent things we are dealing with this week.

Since we had a cool spell in Pittsburgh over the weekend and we didn't adjust the A/C, our house was a bit cold at night. I have been pulling out an afghan when we are watching TV to keep warm. Lucas LOVES this! He gets so excited when he sees me under it. He comes right over with a huge smile on his face and climbs onto of me. One night he laid on me for almost 20 minutes-I don't think he stays still that long even when he sleeps! Sometimes he wants to get under the cover with me, sometimes he just wants to be on top. It is so cute! I am going to like cuddling with him this fall and winter when I seem to live under the blankets!

Like many people, we are concerned about the Swine Flu. A nearby college just announced that there are 26 cases of Swine flu on their campus and classes just started there. Since I work on a college campus and have contact with lots of students from lots of different places, I am concerned about being exposed to it but will take precautions. Marc is beside himself with the thought of Lucas getting sick. He keeps obscessing about the people who have died from the flu. I keep reminding him that the people who have died have generally had other underlying health issues. And while it is good to be preventative and more aware, getting hysterical about it isn't going to help.

My sister gave us a convertible carseat last year and it was great to not have to buy a second one. I knew it expired this year so I have been looking at new ones and have been warning Marc we needed to make this purchase. And while he is crazed about the Swine Flu, he doesn't seem to show as much concern about the carseat, something Lucas rides in EVERYDAY. He thinks that I am crazy to need to buy a new one and doesn't know why car seats actually expire. Well, I found one yesterday at Babies R Us and came home to tell Marc. He sighed and said, "Just get it."

New Beginnings

We started to transition Lucas to his new daycare this week. We went as a family on Monday and spent about 90 minutes with his new teachers and classmates. Lucas did well. He was shy for about 2 seconds and then got down and started to play with all the toys. There is a little boy in the room who we took music with. I hope the two of them get to be friends. The whole time I was watching how Lucas acted, somewhat in comparison to the other children but know that it wasn't fair because this was his first real time being in the room so things were overwhelming for him. Because there aren't as many teachers in this room, he is going to need to learn some control. When they go into their gross motor play room, the children need to sit against the wall while the teachers get some of the larger toys out. Right now at his current center, they generally let the children run and take what they want. I just hope there aren't too many tears because the teachers have to tell Lucas to stay at the wall.

I also felt like Marc and I were being evaluated by the teachers-were they watching to see how we intervened or acted in response to Lucas? I was just grateful that he wasn't clingy.

He was there for an hour by himself on Tuesday. They said he did fine-just called for Daddy a few times.

Lucas' last day at his current center is August 27th.

Hello from HI

My brother is in Hawaii right now, finishing up his PA residency. And I think he is finally following the blog again. I see a little red dot in the middle of the Pacific-which I assume is HI. So hi there Uncle Gaw. We miss you-thank you for contributing to Lucas' picnic table. I will get you a picture of him at it soon. You won't believe how much he has changed since April.

Letter to the in laws

Dear In Laws:
Do you have any idea on how much of an amazing little guy Lucas is? Do you even realize how much of his life you are missing out on? And why? I can't for the life of me figure it out. If you weren't interested in Marc's sister's two boys, I would say you just don't like grandchildren. But considering you have been to the zoo, to Grove City with them and you watch then at least two days of the week, why is it that we aren't seeing you? It is frustrating but I can't force it to happen. I know of other grandparents who WILLINGLY take their grandchildren for the night to give their parents a break. Heck, my friends offer to take Lucas more than you do. Oh wait, you have NEVER offered to take him-we have always had to ask, crawling on our knees almost begging for him to spend the night.

I am sorry if you think my ideas for raising Lucas are wrong-they aren't, they are just different. So when I suggest you just ignore Lucas when he is acting up, it is not because I am trying to be neglectful, it is because I know he needs his space to get himself under control-and you looking at him and saying, "Lucas, what is wrong? Why are you acting this way?" is just adding to his frustration. Maybe he was hungry-so give him some animal crackers-you didn't need to wash a dish for him-put some in a cup or napkin. Or maybe he had just woken up from a nap in the car and he needed to become adjusted to being at the store.

Your other grand kids aren't perfect the last time I checked.

It really is too bad that you have to act this way towards us-we want you to be involved in his life. But that choice is solely up to you. You know where we live.

Happy 23rd Month Birthday

Celebrating these monthly birthdays doesn't seem like that big of a deal now that we are fast approaching Lucas' second birthday but they are still fun. Last night Marc said to him, "sometimes we forget because we don't make the big sign anymore and take your picture but we still love you." Lucas wasn't even paying attention to him. He has become quite the little independent thinker these days. He doesn't like to hold your hand when we are outside anymore but that means he needs to be carried-believe me, everyone would prefer it if Lucas would just hold our hands and walk. He is into trucks, buses and firetrucks BIG TIME. He gets upset when we don't see any one the roads. Lucas now likes to run and will say, "I walk, I run" and take off down the hall. He is clearly going to get his logic from my side because he knows you need to walk before you can run;) Lucas still has a love hate relationship with Jeff. He calls for Jeff as soon as we get into the house but some days he doesn't like it when Jeff smells his toys. That is enough to send him over the edge.

Lucas recently discovered pianos-he loves to play the one that is part of his music table. He even pulls up a toy or ball to sit on while he plays. I can't wait to start music with him again in January.

And he has a temper-I think he gets frustrated and doesn't know how to tell us what is wrong so his solution is to throw things or hit. We are trying to stop this behavior and pray that the terrible twos aren't so terrible.

Lucas continues to be the extrovert. He loves to say hi and bye to complete strangers. On the way home last week he tried to get the attention of a man in a pickup truck to say hi. While we were out to eat on Sunday, he waved bye to a group that was getting up to leave.

I never thought the time would come when Lucas "caught up developmentally" but he has-the last six months have been just incredible in all the things he has learned.

This is finally getting to be fun for me . . .

Keep Stellan in your prayers

Please keep this little boy in your prayers over the next few days. Here is his story . Stellan as a heart condition and he is not doing well. He has had to undure many procedures and the doctors still don't know what the best course of action is for him-even if there is one at this point. I can't even begin to get my head around his condition but my heart breaks for his parents, especially his mom who has been at his bedside through most of it.

Breakthrough?

No marriage is perfect-throw kids on top of it all and it can get messy. Marc and I are still trying to figure out an effective way to communicate but it is a struggle at times. And the whole appreciation thing, or lack there of, is worthy its own blog. Do you want to show me some appreciation? Don't make out with me as I am trying to go to bed-pick something up.

This weekend Marc finally said to me, "I don't give you enough credit and I know that." I can't even remember why he said it, what had prompted the statement (I know we weren't fighting) but I hope this is a breakthrough. It isn't about who is wrong or who is right for me-it is about what makes the most sense and is best for Lucas. Marc came up with a new plan to help Lucas go to sleep and you know what, it has been working great for about 3 weeks. I am thrilled that bedtime is no longer a huge stress point for us and I know Lucas is responding well to the changes. And I am grateful that Marc decided to make the changes and took ownership of it. That is what it should be like, rather than it being a contest or having to convince him of what seems like the simplest of things.

On a somewhat related note, I have been seriously thinking about changing careers. Since I seem to be the one women come to to share struggles with being a new mom, I have given a lot of thought to the lack of formal support there is. Sure we have our postpartum check up with our docs anywhere from 4-6 weeks after giving birth, but how many doctors really take an interest in how you are handling being a new mom? I know in my appointment, the doc had just come in from delivering another baby and had a waiting room full of women she needed to see. She didn't seem to take a real interest in asking the probing questions-and to be honest with you, I am not sure I would have been honest with her even if she had. But newborns see a ped one week after they are born and several more times in those first few months. Why not have a social worker see every new mom at their well baby visits and see how she is coping? Maybe it is because I had a horrible experience those first 6 months (OK, full year) and want to help other women who might now have full blown postpartum depression but are still struggling.

Of course, to do this, I would need to go back to school and that just seems like a very daunting task right now. My current place of employment does have a top rated Social work program and I could easily convince my boss that it would give me a better counseling skill base which in turn would make me a better counselor for my students. This is true but the end would be a new career for me. It has been a long time since I was in school and the thought of taking the GRE is more frightning than labor all over again. And it would take me a long time to do it-the most I could do was two classes each term. The program is 39 credits-it would take me a little over 2 years to complete. That is without any of my previous grad credits transferring in.

Taking a fun look back

Every once in a while I get a kick in the pants to be creative. I used to scrapbook but once the little man came along, it had to be put on hold. In planning for Lucas' second birthday (GASP!), I thought it would be fun to do a scrapbook of his last year, from his last birthday to August 2009. I picture our families looking at it and being amazed at how much he has grow. It has been so much fun pulling out old pictures and seeing how much he has changed and all the fun memories I have of us as a family. I have gotten a lot done so far-I am working on cropping the pictures from May, but I have the pages from August 2008 to April 2009 all laid out and glued-I just need to write the narrative.

The sad thing is that there aren't that many pictures of Marc's family with Lucas. There are lots and lots of pictures with my family. I wonder if they will notice that and maybe change the way they interact with Lucas. I can't force it but it seems like such a shame that they give so much of their energy and time to my sister in law's two boys, who lives less than a mile from us.

Unforgettable sounds

I am sure most parents remember quite clearly the various sounds their children make. Like the first time you heard your child cry after being born, all those funny little snorts newborns make when sleeping, the way their first try laugh sounded like pure heaven, the way they say "momma" or "dada" for the first time.

And then there are the not so nice sounds, like the first time your child cries out in pain from shots, when you leave them at daycare and they realize you aren't staying for the day.

Yesterday I unfortunately got to experience one of the not so nice sounds. Lucas and I were playing and he slipped out of my hands. We were in the dining room with hardwood floors. He fell but wasn't prepared for the landing and ended up face down on the floor. I don't know what was worse, the sound he made as he landed chin first or the cries of pain afterwards, or even Marc's voice as he acted like I was incapable of making good choices for our son. Lucas ended up with a bruised chin and he must have bit his cheek because there was a bit of blood in his mouth. After about 30 minutes he had calmed down and was resting on the couch watching Elmo. By the end of the night he was playing.

Accidents happen-clearly I didn't intend on having Lucas fall. I was horrified at what happened. But Marc acts like Lucas can never get a bump or a scatch.

Traveling man

We did some traveling over the holiday weekend to Columbus OH. We got to see and stay with friends John, Stacy and JT. JT is going to be 2 tomorrow-it was fun to watch him interact with Lucas. I thought for sure there would be some typical toddler tandrums and "MINE" but they had few issues. JT was even open to Lucas crawling up on Stacy's lap during the fireworks, sitting with John while he read them a book and even having Lucas sit almost his lap while they watched "Cars". Our Mr. No Napper and No Sleeping in my own bed was in fully force though. So Marc and I didn't get much restful sleep-come on Lucas! You need to sleep-you are like Mommy's tomatoes that grow at night with the moon.

We also spent a night with Marc's aunt and uncle and their two wonderful dogs-Max and Millie. They have a beautiful house with an inground pool. I was in HEAVEN! Marc kept saying how happy I was to be in the water. Of course I was! I grew up swimming and miss it. Nothing beats a sunny day in a warm inground pool. Lucas wasn't too sure about wearing the life vest at first but we changed to a different one and he was much happier. Marc and Lucas took a couple of turns in the raft with me pulling. The highlight was getting to be friends with Max-a 9 month old English Golden Retriever. He is beautiful and he and Lucas seemed to be buddies during the time we were there. At one point Lucas was calling for the puppy!

It was nice to be away and see how easily Lucas can adapt to new surrounding but then Monday we were back home and our normal life started again-laundry, mail, planning meals, work.

Mr. Independent and random thoughts

Lucas has reached a whole new level of independence lately. He thinks he can do anything and everything himself. Saturday he was walking up the stairs, using the handrail like a good boy. I was behind him, with my hand on the railing so if he fell backwards, he would fall into me. He saw my hand and slapped it to get me to let go. I was stunned. He did a similar thing last night at Dave and Busters. He was sitting on a stool looking at a video game. I was behind him and had a hand on the control panel of the game. Lucas kept telling me "no", taking my hand off the panel. He thinks he can do it all now . . .

We were in Buffalo last weekend for some family fun. Lucas was so good while we were there-he makes a good travel companion. Since he is still fascinated with trucks, I showed him the truck yard at the rest stop. He was a bit overwhelmed because he just looked-didn't say anything. He LOVED playing in the yard at my parents-they had a pool, and bikes and chalk and lots and lots of things to explore. He and my dad did two outlines of the dog. My dad was in awe of how much he talked-even if it was just made up sounds. He calls Lucas Niki Niki now-I guess at some point that is what he said to my dad.

Lucas even got to ride on the subway-my mom and I went to the Allentown Arts Festival. It is so much easier to park and ride the subway down. He was good but wasn't too sure about it all. Just looked at everything. But we did see lots of babies and a few puppies while we were there.

Good times were had by all!

And then I come back home and begin to struggle again with this balancing thing. We had a crazy weekend-I got home from a conference on Friday, started a week's plus worth of laundry, went through a week's worth of mail that had been piling up and tried to plan the next two days of grocery shopping and celebrating Father's day. There were still tons of things I needed to get done at home-stuff I just was too tired to do last night.

Good times in the garden

We finally had a nice weekend (weather wise) here in the 'Burgh. As soon as Lucas and I got home on Friday we were outside. I put his water shoes on, a swim diaper, filled up his pool and let the good times roll. He loved it-he was splashing, transferring his pool water to other buckets. No harm there right?

Sunday we had planned to plant my garden-FINALLY! I headed out before the boys. The goal was to try and keep Lucas occupied enough so that I could plant the veggies and Marc could plan the flowers. Ha! How soon I forget that Lucas is a very active 20 month old. I just had Marc put his swim shoes on again but we left his PJs on-he was just going to get dirty anyway, why change his clothes three times? Lucas was very interested in the trowels-he is in a shovel stage right now so why not? He was pretty good for the most part-was very interested in the dirt. Once I got the tarps down, I didn't care if he walked on them. He even helped me plan some squash. And then the fun began. I was watering the garden after I was done planting-Lucas decided to venture into the tarp area again. I thought he was just going to walk on them and turn around. Oh no, that wouldn't be as fun. He decided to have a seat-in a puddle. I have to admit it was pretty cute! He didn't seem bothered at all by the wet bottom he had. He just looked around like, what next Mom? We finally got him out of the area only to have him move to the next section and do it again.

Lucas loves to be outside and Marc and I come at it from different view points. I say that he needs to be outside. There is nothing wrong with it-it is good for him! So he doesn't stay put in one place? How many 20 month olds do? So we follow him around or do our best to make the area safe. Big Deal. Marc hates chasing him, doesn't like that he likes to push the limits a bit (like trying to go up his slide instead of down or wanting to stand on the top of his sandbox). That is what kids do, what healthy, growing kids do. We grew up outside. We hated to be inside. Even today, when we are at my parents, we are always outside-on the deck, in the backyard. It is normal and fun. We are able to keep an eye on the kids and dogs.

Marc gets frustrated because Lucas always wants to go outside. He doesn't agree with me that by letting Lucas go out, he will get used to limits. That maybe we need to let him run around for more than 15 minutes to get his fix.

Working mom in unbalanced mood

I have been struggling lately with a work like balance. When your husband has his own business, it is not always 9-5 and each day is different. Some days he is home by 5:30pm, some days later-last night it was closer to 7pm. Normally we can handle this at home. But right now my job isn't fitting too well into our established life pattern. We are undergoing some pretty assinine changes. They seem to think that having people work online from home in the evenings and on weekends will make the job more flexible and appealing. Really? Not so much for me-when I am home, I am trying to keep Lucas from charging out the door, trying to cook dinner, trying to keep up on laundry and following my husband around picking up after him. How will I be able to accomplish sitting at a computer waiting for students to IM me? And weekends are out because I am home alone with Lucas EVERY SATURDAY and Sundays Marc sometimes does house calls. And Marc does work on the computer as well. When he has a deadline to get ads done or answering his own customer's emails, I know he needs to be the priority. Do I really want to pay a babysitter to watch Lucas while I make myself more available to students? Not really.

My appraisal is coming up and I am not looking forward to having this discussion with my boss. She will try to paint it in a positive way and make it seem like a great change. Maybe she has said it enough to herself that she actually believes it when in reality, it is the most backwards thing this office has done in a long time.

I have always managed to balance things but I believe that these changes will finally nudge me into finding a new job-I need to respect Marc's work and my time with Lucas.

Over sensitive?

Growing up I was an overly sensitive child. I tittered on emotional meltdowns whenever something went wrong; I only wanted there to be peace and would get hysterical whenever our family had a disagreement. And I never wanted to disappointment my mother-her approval was EVERYTHING to me. It is amazing that I didn't get an ulcer. Thank God I grew out of it and matured fairly normally in my emotional development.

Now I am worried about Lucas-he cries whenever we say no to him. He responds to the extreme when there is a loud noise. I watch him and think that is what I must have been like as a toddler. I don't want him to be so emotionally warped like I was. It was a horrible way to grow up and the stress it caused me and especially my mother was over the top.

I am hoping that I can give him the reassurance that things will be OK and be able to help him get control of his emotions, something that was lacking in my case.

But at least he eats well right?

Happy 20 month birthday

When did you get so big?! I can't believe you are 4 months away from turning 2-what happened?

We spent some time on Sunday in the car coming home from Buffalo but you played with Daddy so I could take a nap-what a better way to celebrate?

Here is new with you:
1. You have graduated to the big boys' scale at the doctors-the last time we were there, you got to stand on the scale-no more fighting to lay you down. And you weighed in at 26 #s! No wonder my rib has popped back out.
2. Everything comes in pairs now-Mommy and Daddy; Nana and Bapa; Grandma and Poppa.
3. You love to play in water.
4. You like to pick up Jeff's toys and throw them at him-we aren't too sure Jeff likes this though.
5. You love to be chased-we don't find it as funny especially when we need to get you ready to go out or to change your diaper.
6. You are a little imitator now-last night you tried to cross your legs like me.
7. You are a social butterfly-you say hi to everyone and every thing, including trucks and buses.
8. You are learning the names of all the monsters on Sesame Street and now know the order in which they appear in the intro.
9. You can reach things on the table.
10. You love to play with wooden spoons and pots and pans.
11. You think your sand box is Elmo because it is red and has big eyes-it is really a crab.
12. You love to play with your older cousins and they like to play with you. We have had some good times the past few weekends.
13. I think you are going to be a bit of a dare devil.
14. You aren't afraid to get a little dirty.

Everyone is amazed at how big you have become! We can't wait to explore more things with you.

When did we get a dog?

Having grown up with an incredible dog, Hercules, and now my brother's dog, Jake, I am used to having a friend when I ate. Herk was quick to appear whenever he heard someone in the kitchen. He wanted to see if he could get a free meal.

Lately, Lucas has been doing the same thing. On Sunday I was cutting watermelon. I turned around and lo and behold, Lucas had come into the kitchen and was standing next to me, looking for a handout. He is so quiet, I didn't realize he was there. With the dogs you at least had some warning-whether it be from their nails on the floor or their tags. It gave me a good laugh. At least I didn't make him sit and give me paw to get some fresh melon:)

He managed to get blackberries, french bread sticks and pretzels off of me this weekend in addition to the watermelon-you can say a lot of things about my son but you can't say that he doesn't like to eat!

Getting stuff done

Last week we had a lot going on-I had things to do right after work two nights which meant Marc was on Lucas duty, we had bath nights, we had shopping and then I need to pack Lucas and I up to travel to Buffalo. Busy, busy, busy. But I knew most of it would get done, at least the important things would. So laundry would have to wait until I got back-big deal.

This week is starting off just a crazy as last week-I had an allergist appointment last night (after having cats for 33 years, I guess I am allergic to them now) and picked Lucas up late. Marc was late coming home from work but one of us needed to get my prescription from the drug store. Plus we had bath night, needed to start on the laundry piling up and Marc's bathroom really needed to be put back together. And yes, everything needed to be done last night. There was no way we would get it all done if we tried to do it as a family. I sent Marc out to the store and I started on the rest of it.

We have an unusual ritual in our house-Marc and I both give Lucas a bath. I am fine doing it by myself (and always do when I am in Buffalo) but Marc for some reason doesn't think it can be done. We were fine-Lucas had a great time, played and laughed and tried to get me wet. No big deal. The next task was to get the bathroom back in working order. While Lucas and I were in Buffalo, Marc painted his bathroom. It isn't very big and he did a really good job, but it still needed to be cleaned. I set Lucas up with some toys in the family room, called him every few minutes and got to work washing the walls. It took all of 15 minutes.

When Marc got home 75 minutes later, he could not believe the I got all that done. He kept asking, where was Lucas? Playing in the family room. Why does he find it hard to imagine you can actually get work done while having to keep an eye on the little one? I drag out my tupperware and pots for Lucas whenever I need to be in the kitchen for a long time. He loves it-he just goes back and forth between the kitchen and family room. I am not sure if Marc thinks that we need to be engaged with Lucas all the time-clearly he doesn't get as much done as I do when left alone with Lucas. Lucas needs to start figuring things out on his own, like what to play with. If you show him something, that generally keeps him entertained for a while, and it doesn't need to be the TV.

The rest of the week is going to be just as crazy-need to go grocery shopping, need to get to Target, need to get a bunch of things to take with us to Buffalo when we go next weekend again. Maybe I can leave Marc at home and Lucas and I will tear through these errands . . .

Spelling, drums, hugs and distractions

I have never been a great verbal speller-I hated spelling bees in school, although I love to edit publications and often catch the mistakes. Lately we, Marc and I, have had to do a lot of spelling because Lucas is learning more and more words. Elmo is a banned word in our house (if spoken it will mean cries and shouts for MELMO, pointing to the TV) and we have to watch saying Milk and Banana as well. If either of those words are said, Lucas runs to the fridge and tries to open it. I think it is better if we just have a white board and write the word not to be spoken-I would be much more comfortable with that.

Last night we went to Home Depot to get paint for Marc's bathroom and gardening stuff. I thought it would be a nice change for Lucas-I imagine he is getting tired of the Giant Eagle, Target, Babies R Us circuit of shopping. What kid doesn't get excited about grills, lawn movers and paint? He was really good and the paint lady gave us a bunch of paint stirrers. Of course we gave one to Lucas. He LOVED it-kept saying "Stick" and spend a good 15 minutes hitting the bars of the shopping cart while we looked for flower seeds. At one point he got two stirrers and boy, did he go to town. Everyone kept saying he must be a future drummer. He did have pretty good coordination with them. Once we got into the car, then the real fun began. nothing was safe from getting hit. Luckily, once we got home, Lucas didn't go after Jeff with the stirrers-they passed each other and I thought for sure Jeff was going to get hit in the head. I guess Lucas didn't need to smack him-he had already hit Jeff with a spoon earlier.

Lucas and his buddy Brian have a new ritual at the end of the day. Brian will go up to Lucas and give him a big hug good bye. It is the cutest thing I have seen. I am not sure if Lucas really likes it but Brian will come from whatever he was doing, try to turn Lucas so they are facing each other and then Brian will put his arms around Lucas and put his head on Lucas' chest-just melts my heart! Finn, another friend tried to do the same thing to Lucas two days ago.

Another new trick the Lucas does when I pick him up is to get Mia (one of my favorites) to distract me so I can't put Lucas' jacket on. It has happened the past few days. I come in, find Lucas and Mia magically appears. Because she is a sweet little girl, I always talk to her, comment on her outfit, ask if she has had a good day. At this point, Lucas has taken off someplace else in the room and tries to hide so I can't get his jacket on and get him home. How do they come up with these things? They aren't even verbal yet!!!!!!

19 months and one black eye

Lucas got his first black eye on Saturday. He had crawled into a laundry basket and then fell forward, hitting his head on a table. He got a small cut and soon it started to swell and bruise. He didn't cry much, a cuddle and kiss from me seemed to do the trick. He did sit still for a few minutes so I could put some ice on it. Now it is a smear of blue and purple above his eye.

And he turned 19 months on Friday. Here are his latest adventures and tricks:
1. He likes to try to open the fridge door. He likes to point at what he wants when he is luck enough to get in there.
2. He loves to be outside, though I think he is afraid of sticks on the ground.
3. He can walk up the steps on his own, holding onto the railing.
4. He LOVES Elmo. He doesn't even want to sit through all of Sesame Street-he wants us to forward to "Melmo" as he calls him.
5. It looks like he is starting on his next set of molars.
6. He hates to be dropped off at daycare and hates to be picked up. One day he even tried to blend in with the group as they were leaving to play in the AP room.
7. He knows all the parts of your face and likes to point to them.
8. He actually combined two words the other night-of course I can't recall what they were now.
9. He likes to look out the front window of my car-he can't see well out of the side one because I have a sun visor up.
10. He likes to say Hi and Bye to everyone-going grocery shopping can be a good laugh.
11. He didn't want to hold my hand the other day. We were leaving a store and I had gotten him out of the buggy to walk outside. I reached for his hand and he didn't take mine:(
12. He thinks it is a fun game to run around our kitchen table when you are trying to get him for something. He will stand behind a chair and look at you, smiling and laughing.
13. He loves to feed himself with a spoon-he gets really mad if he can't do it.
14. He is getting really good at throwing a ball!

My Daddy!

This weekend we finally got to see a friend and her 5 month old baby, Charlie. Charlie was 6 weeks early like Lucas so we had been delaying our visit until everyone was healthy. Us preemie moms are funny about that. I was just as anxious to meet Charlie as I was to have Cheryl see how big Lucas is and to see how Lucas would react to a baby. First, Charlie is so cute and HUGE! He has definitely packed on the weight and is in good health. Second, Lucas was more interested in explore their house and chasing their cat than actually visiting with Charlie. He walked up the steps for the first time all by himself. They have an open stairwell so he got great pleasure of inching his way up the stairs and grinning at us over the banister. When Charlie finally woke up from his nap, I held him. It was so odd but so much fun. He didn't have quite the octopus syndrome that Lucas has now when we hold him. Lucas was OK with me holding him, he came up and acted like he wanted to sit on my lap as well but when Marc got his turn, Lucas looked at Marc and said, "my daddy." It was cute. Holding Charlie while looking at Lucas made Lucas seem like he was 6! I was thinking "who is this child that is so old?"

We had a good time-it was nice to bond with another preemie mom. And know that our boys are going to be just fine:)

Who flipped the developmental switch for my son?

A group of my mom friends from work met for lunch last week. We all have children under two-the oldest is 22 months and Lucas is the youngest at 18. Two of us have boys and two have girls. We were comparing "notes." The mom of the other little boy said it is like one night someone flipped a switch and everything changed-more walking, more talking, more independence. We all agreed. We also agreed that it seems like girls are just faster to develop at this age. It was a fun conversation.

Even the music teacher noticed how different Lucas is. We went to a make up class last night and Lucas was a different child-he was tapping to the music, wanted to explore, at one point was rolling around in the middle of the rug and had his hand on the teacher's knee while she was finishing up class. Who is this boy, I say laughing.

And talk about independence-Lucas doesn't want us to tear his bread into little pieces anymore-he wants a whole piece that he can hold and bite pieces himself. I love this stage-it only took me 18 months to get here but I did. I love that he is making connections, exploring on his own, signs when he wants more of something.

We went to Buffalo this weekend and he spent a good 45 minutes chasing after his cousin Caleb. Caleb liked it for a while. My mom is so amazed at how much he eats-he really enjoyed corn, strawberries and even had a brownie!

Happy 18 Month Birthday

Our little man is 18 months today-WOW! We will have to sing to you tonight dinner and get you a cupcake. You will like that.

So what new things are you doing:
1. You are walking more and more.
2. You say about 15 or so words: Happy, touch down, purple, moon, Poppa are the favorites.
3. You love music class and get so excited during the Hello song when we sing your name.
4. You are growing increasingly more independent (and I love it).
5. Your eyes are going to stay green I think-there was a time I thought they were going to be a dark blue but no, it looks like you will have green/hazel eyes.
6. You love Wheel of Fortune
7. You have 16 teeth now
8. You need to dip your food. We can't serve anything that requires ketchup, syrup, mayo, or tartar sauce or you will want to eat just the condiments.
9. You say good morning to your moon every day
10. You are sleeping well-generally 12 hours each night and no night waking (I hope I didn't just jinx us)
11. You are a fan of Sesame Street-in the evenings when you are fussy, if we put that on, you settle down.
12. You love to gibber jabber in the car-especially on the way home.
13. You still love to torture Jeff
14. You love to brush your teeth

You have grown so much in the past month-I can't wait to see how much at our 18 month check up on Friday. Sorry about the shots but you will be healthier for it. We can't believe how fast this second year is going!

We have a shuffler

Lucas has been walking a little more each day. It is funny to watch him-he looks like an old man shuffling along. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he keeps them on his thighs and walks along. And when he falls, he doesn't cry but says something that sounds like, "wow!" He is very entertaining:)

Naptime is the new happy hour

On the recommendation of a fellow work mom, I read "Naptime is the New Happy Hour" by Stephanie Wilder-Taylor.

This is the book I had hoped to one day write for moms-it is real, it is funny and it is honest. I would often read it before going to bed and was afraid I would wake Marc with my laughing.

She talks about how to avoid the smug moms and find real moms. Those are the moms who knows when it comes to be a parent, there are no perfect scorecards. She also talks about how it is OK to have a guilt free break-something I really struggle with. She says that with all we give, we deserve a break as often as possible. Whether it is help cleaning, someone to watch our children or at the very least a therapist to hear about our problems once a week. There should be no shame in it. I hope I can start to really take her advice on this one. As crazy as it sounds, that is one reason I wanted to try running. Not only will it be great exercise for me but it would be 30 minutes to an hour I would have to myself. Just me and my crazy IPod playlist.

I can't wait to start her other book, Sippy Cups are not for Chardonney . . .

Decisions, Decisions

When I was going back to work, we didn't have many options on where to have Lucas go to daycare. We knew we had an in at the Carriage House and I knew it was a great program. But it was a lot of money. There was another center closer to home that we put our name on the waiting list but they said they probably didn't have a spot for us then. They called at one point and asked if we were still interested and I said no.

Well, now we are thinking of persuing this second site. After all of us visiting it and getting all the details, I think it is going to be a better fit for our family. The care Lucas has received at the Carriage House has been wonderful; the enrichment activities they do with him are great and the location is conveinent for both Marc and I. But (and yes, I am going to sound like one of those mothers), I have some issues with the room Lucas will probably go into next year. Having worked at the Carriage House, I know the feel of the room is different-the teachers tend to be a bit more stressed. Lucas is a sensitive little guy and I think he will pick up on the stress and it will make him anxious-OK, just trust me on this. Every time I walk by the room, it feels different from the environment in the other rooms. And the families, though very nice, are all local to the neighborhood-we don't have much interaction with them outside of dropping off and picking up. And the cost is something to consider-child care is not cheap in Pittsburgh and not that I want to go the budget route with his care but we need to consider our budget. I am going to need a new car this year and if we can save $1000 a year in child care, it is something to consider.

After looking at the other site, they are accredited just like the Carriage House; some of the teachers have been working there for 10+ years, just like the Carriage House; they do music and art and go outside (they have a beautiful garden courtyard that the rooms look out to and they use it a lot) and have a gym, just like the Carriage House. They don't provide lunch in the cost of tuition but there is a program we can enroll in for an extra fee a month. And the biggest issue for me right now, these are families who are like us-socio economically and location. The children in this program are probably ones Lucas will be going to school with. And playdates will be more realistic-which is something that will be more and more important to me (and Lucas) in the near future.

Ugh-Marc and I have been talking a lot about it and even though we are pretty sure we will leave the Carriage House, we have to still sign the official papers to enroll. Marc gave a verbal commitment to the new site today.

And now the guilt-when Lucas and I were leaving yesterday, the director saw us. She waved and said good bye to Lucas and to that she would see him tomorrow. One of Lucas' current teachers always calls him her snuggle bug-she dotes on him and he really really likes her. I know Lucas is young and he will adapt to the new site but it is breaking my heart thinking about having to drop him off in August at a new place and the confusion he will feel. I am hoping maybe we can do some transitioning with him over the summer.

Developmental Spurt

It seems like the last few days Lucas has changed so much. He is standing on his own more and is slowing starting to walk more. His bottom eye teeth are finally threw and I hope we get a break from the teething until the fall. These last set haven't been too bad but I am sure his mouth is sore. The biggest change has been in his verbal abilities. He said "Poppa" clearly on Sunday-it was funny especially since this is what we call Marc's dad and he was there when Lucas said it. He is also saying babies and puppies. Marc said on the way in to daycare on Tuesday, Lucas talked about babies and puppies non stop. When they got to the center, Lucas then wanted to see the babies. He has a word for milk and Jeff. He says something that sounds like moon and I swear he said purple over the weekend. He is really becoming a little boy more and more every day. And last night as Marc was playing with him, rocking him like he was a baby, all I could think of was that those days are slowly slipping from us. Soon Lucas will think it is very funny to be rocked like a baby and will probably tell us so.

Getting older

It is funny to see how people realize time passes and we are getting older. For me it comes in seeing how bigger Lucas' friends from daycare are getting. Not necessarily his class friends, but the older boys who are now Toddlers or the little babies who were just starting when Lucas was moving to his new room. This weekend there were a few other examples:

My sister's kids, who used to want to play with me and Marc, or sit on our laps, now are too busy doing other things. They say hi and are excited to see Lucas but they aren't as much into spending time with us.

And on our way up to Buffalo, Lucas was actually singing along to a song. We were playing his CD from music class. Several of the songs have an echo part and he started to echo back! What happened to my little boy who just babbled?

Winter Blues and random thoughts

I think I need a laptop. Just before I go to sleep I think of all these great things to add to the blog. But when I get up and have to face the work of my day, they get lost or put off. So if I had a laptop, I could do all of this in bed:)

First thought-Even though I hate the snow I can't wait for Lucas to get out into it! We have such a great hill in front of our house and I know he would love to slide down it! And I can't wait to get him his own shovel so he can help me clean the driveway and front walk. Growing up I had my own shovel and I loved to go out and help my dad clear the driveway/front porch.

Second thought-I am paranoid. I don't mean like I worry people talk about me when I leave the room (if I am that exciting to them, go ahead and talk!) or that I think the government is listening to my phone calls, but I am paranoid when it comes to Lucas and his development. Last week when I arrived at the Carriage House to get him, he was in the general play area with one of his teachers and all the older infants. I immediately stopped and thought, "What activity are the other young toddlers doing that Lucas can't because he is the only one not walking?" Seriously, this is what ran through my head. I tried to brush it off by saying to him, "How nice you get to visit with your old friends." The teacher said that she had come out to help the Infant room teacher and Lucas wanted to come with her. He does like Pam so him wanting to be with her does make sense. When I got to the young toddler room to sign him out, the other children were just having playtime. But I worry So MUCH about what he can't do with his normal group because he won't walk. And now I get to see it at music class. He is one of only three that aren't walking on their own.

Third thought-I think we are making progress with my parents. They came down for a visit over MLK, Jr. Lucas was fine-he let my mom hold him, he wanted her to read him a story, he loved playing with my dad. I was so relieved. We are going to see them again in two weeks for Caleb's birthday and I hope to get up there in March. I think the more he gets used to seeing them the better.

Fourth thought-will I ever get used to being a mom? I still don't think I have it in me and I worry that I am depriving something for him because I am not the nurturing type. Sure Marc has that but almost to an excess. I wish Marc would see how differently Lucas acts with us. And Lucas has figured out he can get away with more with Marc and is preferring him over me sometimes.

Fifth thought-Did people really pray during the Super Bowl? There was one mother of a Steeler who admitted on TV that she had invoked the power of prayer when they were down. Is it really that important to you? With all the other issues in the world, where do you think your prayer request falls in line? I have little patiences for people like that . . .

Baby Steps

I guess the public "shaming" last week on my blog about Lucas' not walking did the trick. Yesterday, while I was in the kitchen, Lucas took his first unassisted steps in the family room. Marc was with him. He apparently was holding onto his Fisher Price Popper and walked about a foot from his music table to the coffee table. I was so happy! Throughout the weekend Lucas was standing on his own. He was able to do this for longer periods of time each time he did it and he soon turned it into a game. I am hoping this is just the start and by the time we go to Buffalo for my Caleb's birthday, Lucas will be more steady on his feet!

Everyone is walking in the Young Toddler Room . . .

except for Lucas. I always thought that as long as Brian or Barbara weren't walking, Lucas was still OK. They are all closest in age. Well, when Lucas started back to daycare, I saw that Brian had started walking. I was a little crushed. Why can't Lucas get the hang of this? We have started just walking with him using one hand to get him more confident in his balance. He now is able to get himself into a standing position only using a wall-nothing to really grab onto. Just when I had calmed myself down, I noticed on Monday that Barbara is walking now too-they are still unsure and a bit wobbly but they are on two feet and not all fours. I know walking is all about a range and as along was he is walking by 20 months there isn't a need for concern. But when you walk into a room and see 11 children walking/running and one child still crawling, it makes me sad.

Pictures from the holidays

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the holidays. One day I will figure out how to make them look better!


After a long day of shopping, Lucas is tired of being in the car


Lucas enjoying time with my dad


Lucas got a great new book from Nana!



We love these new towels-makes drying his hair easier.

Different Paths

I have been noticing lately that Lucas interacts with Marc and I very differently. Last night, Lucas and I got home before Marc, which typically happens. I got us settled and started dinner. Lucas started to entertain himself and was fine. I talked with him and we laughed about how silly Jeff was acting. When Marc got home, Lucas immediately held up his hands and wanted to be held. He would not be content unless Marc was completely engaged with him. I think Marc is starting to get a bit frustrated by it but I have told him a number of times that he can't give into Lucas all the time. I see this a lot, especially on Saturdays when Lucas and I are alone. He was fine playing on the floor before Marc arrived last night. This morning Lucas started to get fussy after Marc put him in the high chair to eat. I heard him from upstairs where I was getting ready for work. I could hear Marc's tone changing as he tried to reason with Lucas. At one point Marc came upstairs and said, "He is just mad." I said, "You are right and we need to ignore his behavior or else he will continue to act this way." I just hope that Marc starts to really see how he is behaving with Lucas.

Falling in Love

Odd title I know but that is the only way I can describe the past two weeks. I was off with Lucas from December 23rd to yesterday. Pitt was closed and so was Lucas' daycare. That is one of the perks of working in higher education-a long break at the holidays. And I was a little nervous about having all that time off with my son-I know, yet another reason I won't be in the running for Mother of the Year. But Lucas was good-even with having a runny nose and a cough (a Hanukkah gift from one of his cousins). It wasn't that we did anything exciting it was just that we got to bond. We laughed together, he didn't have any tantrums and our trip to Buffalo was good. It was nice. The best was last night as the three of us, (well four if you count the cat) were playing in the living room and Lucas kept crawling to me and sitting in my lap. He hasn't really done that much. Then he would look back at me with those big eyes of his and smile. Last night as I put him to bed, he turned to me, put his nose practically on my nose and giggled as if to say, I can have fun with you too Mom." I am looking forward to starting the music program with him on Saturdays. It will be a nice distraction for us:)