Things I am Thankful for

I am thankful for Lucas sleeping through the night for the third day in a row!

I am thankful Lucas is feeling better-I think we have turned another corner.

I am thankful that Marc is being to see things from my perspective and trying to help.

I am thankful for my job-when things are starting to turn for the ecomony, I am thankful for the opportunity to work in my field and help students.

I am thankful for my friends. Especially those who read my blog:)

I am thankful for my family-especially stories of my nephews that make me laugh.

I am thankful that I had a successful pregnancy. When I read other blogs, I am reminded how precious having a healthy baby is. It really is a miracle that we are able to create life, especially when it seems there are so many things that can go wrong.

I am thankful it is the weekend, though it will be crazy!

I am thankful that we have a caring, well established center to send Lucas to. Even though he seems to like to spend time away from his classmates, he seems happy and the teachers in his room are great.

I am thankful for all the bells and whistles in my life-the cell phone, dishwasher, washer/dryer. These things help make my life easier.

Trying Times

Lucas is sick again with an ear infection. Marc noticed some drainage in his left ear last Tuesday and went to the doctor's. They said the tubes are working because the water is not behind his ear drum. So he got some drops and was on his way. Friday I got a call from daycare that he had a temp of 101.4 and needed to be picked up. So off to the docs we went again and he did have more of an infection so we got the lovely antibiotic Augmentin. But all weekend Lucas continued to have a fever and spend most of the nights sleeping on either Marc or I. None of us got much rest. Sunday night he woke up in so much pain that he was shaking. We called the emergency after hours number and talked to a nurse at Children's. Of course the nurse said that by this time Lucas should not be still having fevers but didn't think he needed to come into the hospital. Monday it was clear that Lucas could not go to daycare-he did not want to be put down and was not himself. Marc ended up taking him back to the doctors. The good news is the infection was clearing up. But now he had a rash and there is no clear reason why he doesn't want to be put down. I love answers like that!

But I think we have finally turned the corner-he actually played a little last night and was talking-not things he has done in the past 4 days. And Marc actually let him cry a bit last night when he put him down to bed. It lasted about 8 minutes but Lucas slept through the night as well-HUGE milestones for Lucas and Marc.

Touchy Feely

Last night Lucas and I had the evening to ourselves-Marc had an event for work. I was a little nervous-even now I am still not 100% confident in my mothering abilities. Plus the little guy has an ear infection and is getting about 50 teeth in all at once. This makes for one cranky boy. But he was great-we got home, did our routine. We even met a huge puppy on the street who was very excited to meet Lucas. This was a Newfoundland-these dogs are enormous and would have taken both Lucas and I down in one jump! When I was telling Lucas there was a puppy on the street and we were going to see him, he was so excited! He nearly jumped out of his car seat.

Another of Lucas' loves is going outside. So we took a walk in our back yard before dinner and he found two leaves that he just had to bring into the house. At first he liked to wave them at Jeff but eventually he found tearing them up was more fun. Jeff just wanted to eat them.

The most interesting thing that happened was that Lucas wanted to feel the bushes. We have three evergreen bushes and one that is more of a hedge. He would go back and forth between them touching the leaves/branches. He is really into touching everything these days-he loves to touch the bricks on the house and last night we discovered the shutters and the window screens. Good thing it was bath night!

Toddler proofing

We have started to Toddler proof our house. We have had a gate up near the basement stairs for a few weeks now and have put all those covers on the plugs. But we needed to get two more gates and some locks for our cabinets. Marc got a gate and was so proud of himself because he picked it out on his own. But when he took it out of the box, he realized that he needed to drill a wall mount in order to support the frame. He looked so defeated.

I found it ironic that a year ago we were rushing around trying to buy all the things we still needed for Lucas to come home. I remember my mother in law coming over to take me to Babies R Us and I just broke down because I was so overwhelmed with everything-and Lucas wasn't even home yet!

Now if we can just toddler proof the cat . . .

Instruction manual

I feel like I need an instruction manual to my life these days. I am out of suggestions on how to make things run smoother and I am quickly running out of patience.

I am frustrated with Marc and how we can't seem to get on the same page about stuff with Lucas. I am trying to get him to realize that we need to start putting Lucas to bed awake so that he can learn to put himself to sleep. I do not want to spend the next year rocking him to sleep after his bottle. And he won't be on a bottle before bed much longer. Marc doesn't seem to realize that-even though the doctor said that to us last week. I am tired of justifying the way things run at the center we use. If he doesn't like it, he can start looking for another place. This is one of the best in the area. What choice do we have? His mom hasn't offered any of her services lately.

I am frustrated with Lucas because he is in a clingy phase right now. There aren't enough hours in the day to hold him and get everything else done in the house that I need to.

I am frustrated with work because morale stinks and nothing is going to be done about it. We are headed into our busiest time of the year and no one is happy. I just get so drained. One opportunity I was hoping would pan out for me I just found out they made their hiring decision. I wasn't even granted an interview. I know I have the skills to kick butt in the position-a bit of a discouragement.

I am frustrated with my body-I have been trying to get over this cold for two weeks now. It is starting to move into my chest. Unless someone takes Lucas for a day on the weekends, I don't have an opportunity to get the sleep I need to kick this.

And I miss my family. I get homesick every couple of years-crazy I know. I haven't lived in Buffalo since 1996! But I want to spend time hanging out on my parent's deck, talking with my dad. I want to visit with my sister and her family, watching the boys destroy the house. I want to sit around my parent's fire pit and think about the times we went camping.

I am just not a happy camper these days.

One year appointment

When we went to the peds today for Lucas' one year appointment, there were two newborn babies there. Wow! Did that take me back real quick. It was funny to see Lucas watch them as he waved his huge yellow plastic spoon (the toy of choice today) and to see one dad look at Lucas and smile. I wanted to say to him, We were in your shoes a year ago and it is true what everyone says-the time does go by fast. A year ago today I was taking my first shower after having the magn drip taken out. I was finally IV free and I needed to get down to see Lucas for myself. He was so tiny.

My mom called last night and congratulated me on surviving our first year. She said that it wasn't easy, she can even admit that, and I faced some pretty big obstacles those first few weeks. Things will get easy in different ways and more difficult in others but it won't be as hard. Somehow I need to remember that in the coming years . . .

And last night as I rocked our little guy to sleep, I cherished being able to hold him, thankful that I was able to hold him then and letting go of the fact I wasn't able to hold him after he was born.

Happy First Birthday Lucas

Happy Birthday big guy! I can't believe you are a year old-where did the time go? Daddy and I can't believe how big you have gotten-the days of you being a little guy are long past. Who would believe now that you were a preemie?

We know that sometimes you get mad and aren't always happy but we are doing our best to make you laugh and have a good time.

You are a crawling machine-you are so fast now. I know yesterday you wanted to show off your skills to the babies in your old room. Pam couldn't keep you out of the room! And you are trying so hard to pull yourself up. You just have to be careful.

You love to eat-you get mad when we don't let you feed yourself but somethings are still too messy for you to do yourself. We will try and give you more table food. But we did make a huge first step by ordering off the children's menu last week when we were at Eat N' Park.

I was sad to leave you at daycare today and I am sorry that I won't be able to make it to your snack party. I hope everyone plays nice with you today and you like all the attention-if you are like your dad it won't be a problem:)

Remember that we love you so much and are amazed by all that you are doing now. You keep us laughing most days. We can't wait to watch you grow up even more-you are an extra special boy!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Birthday bash

We celebrated Lucas' first birthday with friends and family this weekend. My parents and sister and her family all came down from Kenmore. They were here for only a day and it was sad to not have more time with them. Lucas loves his Kenmore cousins. I had also hoped that the Pittsburgh and Kenmore cousins would have played more together but they weren't interested in that. Oh well. Lucas got lots of loot and I have finally narrowed down his keep and return for different size piles. What a chore! I spent so much time getting everything ready and when the day finally got here, it was all over with before I knew it. If only my labor had been that way . . .

I was just really annoyed at my in-laws. They didn't help us clean up at all. My family wanted to help more but they needed to get on the road. And they had helped me the day before and even during the party. But Marc's parents only had to go to Home Depot to pick out paint. Nothing too pressing. His dad had the nerve to say to Marc yesterday when we saw them, "Boy you look tired." Well what do you expect when you have to clean up after 20 people and take care of an almost one year old?

Lucas didn't know what to make of his cake-he liked to feel the frosting between his fingers but wasn't too interested in tasting it. I put some in his mouth and he did manage to grab a piece of cake but no great smashing or mess.

Pictures to come soon I promise!