Pictures

The next few posts are of pictures we recently had developed. I thought it would be fun to share them with you-they are some of my favorites of Lucas and various family members. Enjoy them!

Hanging with Daddy

Lucas loves to lay on Marc's stomach. He gets laughing and giggling so hard. Marc sometimes gets annoyed because Lucas tends to drool a bit-but I say that is why I have a washer and do laundry on the weekends. Lucas really likes it when Marc coughs because gives him a little extra ride!

You're fired!

Here is Lucas doing his Donald Trump impression. When I comb his hair just right, he really does look like the Donald. This has to be one of my favorite pictures of Lucas-I love his smile and how bright his eyes are.

With cousin Sean

This was from Passover. Sean, our oldest nephew here, loves Lucas. He is so good with him and is always asking about him. He tells us things like, "Lucas is the cutiest baby there is." or"I can't wait to play with Lucas." It really is sweet. Sean is 5. We are going to give him a copy of this in a frame-I know he will really like it.

I love my ducky

This picture was taken after Lucas had his first sleep over at Grandma and Poppa Rosen's house in April. He loves this ducky and when he got home, he grabbed it and gave it a big hug as if to say, "I missed you SOOOO much ducky. I will never leave you again."

Not a real baby anymore

Last night Marc had some video on the computer of Lucas right around 3 months old. It is amazing how much he has changed-he is so different now! He still had dark hair and a round baby face. His cries were even more like a newborn. He used to do this thing with his tongue where it would roll out of his mouth. I was never sure if he did this involuntary or if he starting to figure things out. Now he just sticks it out as if he was a dog:) He was so tiny!

The funny thing was that Lucas was absolutely intrigued by the video-he was watching it so intently. I kept telling him that was "baby" Lucas. He would smile.

I am hoping to make a trip to Buffalo this weekend and I know my family will be floored with how much he has changed and how much more he can do now.

Depression

Last night on PBS there was a special about depression. My grandmother was bipolar and I have had some depressed periods in my life so this is a topic of interest to me. The special covered all different reasons for the onset of depression, one of them being postpartum depression. It pained me to see two women in particular talk about how this almost destroyed them just weeks after experiencing "the joys of becoming a new mother." One woman had her husband chronicle her journey on both video and film. It was so heartbreaking-all she wanted to do was love her child but she couldn't. In one clip she was holding her son, and you could see how torn she was. There was another clip that showed moms in a deep depression and their young children-the children were desperate to be comforted by their moms but the moms were in such a state that they could not respond-they could not extend even a hand to touch their child and give them some relief and contact. It brought tears to my eyes.

I remember days when Lucas first came home when I would hold him and sob because I wanted to love him SO MUCH but I was so depressed. I made so many promises to him in those first few days and made so many apologies too. I wanted so much to feel connected to him but it wasn't there.

One of the things that the show mentioned in successful treatments of depression was exercise. I think that if I hadn't been going to physical therapy two times a week and having to do about 20 minutes of exercises at home each day, I might have been worse off.

The program made me want to help new moms even more who suffer from this. One woman said that she just couldn't find resources to help her through this and she knew she needed help-it takes a special person to listen to a new mom talk about how she has thoughts of hurting herself and her new child and not think of them as a monster.

It made me rethink my career path-maybe I should focus on the psychology and start to explore options to help other new moms so they don't feel so helpless-I know first hand you can overcome this.

No sleep for Lucas

Yesterday Lucas took his usual two thirty minute naps at the Carriage House. Everyone jokes that you can set your watch by how long he sleeps and it is true. Marc actually timed Lucas' naps this past weekend.

We went to visit with Marc's parents and grandmother last night and he was very active-we thought he would take his bottle when we got home and fall asleep.

Once again, Lucas proved that he is really in charge. We fed him and waited. Surely he would start to moan and rub his eyes-signs he is ready to sleep. Nope. What we got instead was a baby that figured out he could play with a bead filled triangle AND a block at the same time, waving both in his hands, almost hitting Marc in the face.

So then we thought, we will put him upstairs in our bed. That will do the trick. Lucas only seemed to become more awake and spent a good 30 minutes talking and laughing so hard I thought he was going to get the hiccups. Granted, I was so amused (and maybe tired) by his antics that I started to laugh too and that only got him going more. I haven't seem him so awake, it was like he drank Red Bull for babies. Finally, a little after 10pm he fell asleep. He is normally asleep by 8:30pm most nights.

You would think that all his activities and going to bed later he would have slept through the night. Not a chance. Lucas got up about 3 times (again, not something he normally does). When he woke up at 4:30am, Marc decided to feed him. Even with a full stomach, Lucas was up talking and laughing this morning at 6:25am.

Everyone in our house should be ready for bed by 7pm tonight.

Asking for help

I have come to realize that I have a hard time accepting offers of help-whether that be at work, at home, from friends. When Lucas first came home, my mother and sister in law both came over a few times to help me. I was lost-I didn't know how to give them something to do. Did I really want them to do our laundry? Was it fair to have them care for my newborn son while I took a nap? I ended up trying to serve as a hostess, tending to their needs, while trying to keep the house neat and Lucas content. No wonder I had such anxiety and ended up with dangerously low blood sugars. I wasn't taking care of myself. Even when my mom came down for almost a week, we spent more time in the living room with her watching TV or doing her crosswords while I danced around with my chores.

If there are any new moms reading this, please know it is OK to take the help that is offered. It is OK to ask someone to watch your child while you take a nap or help you with the dishes. I think I would have been much more mentally and physically healthier if I had just taken the help.

36 weeks, 5 days

that is how old Lucas is-he has surpassed the amount of time he spent in the womb. I wonder how different things would have been if we had gotten to the 35 or 36 week mark before he needed to be delivered. Would he have had such a hard time breathing? Would he have needed to be under the bili lights? How long would he have needed to be in the NICU? How big would he have been?

I always knew that my doctor would not let me go past my due date-she told me that they would get me to 37 weeks and take it from there.

Goals

This time of year in Higher Education is review time. We all hate it. This year, our Division is using a new computer system to help manage that process. It is supposed to make our yearly review a more interactive process. Instead of creating goals in July and forgetting about them until May, this system will allow up to keep a record of events that help demonstrate how skilled we are in using our competencies and give examples of what we have accomplished over the past 10 months or so. I don't know of many people in our office who like it. Everyone received training on it in September but they haven't done anything with it since. Now they are all scrambling to get stuff in and out to our boss by Wednesday.

I SO wanted to add some motherhood transitional goals in there: Never came to work with baby formula or spitup on my clothes; never mistakenly brought Lucas' bottles in with me, thinking they were my lunch; haven't spent time in student appointments going on and on endlessly about everything Lucas is doing now (if students asked, I said he was fine and growing every day). Managed to make it through the first week back without crumbling in a puddle of tears knowing Lucas was spending his first real days away from his mom.

Somehow I think I would be asked to redo my goals . . .

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday we had a nice day-got lots of things done but I didn't feel rushed. Marc and Lucas got me a beautiful white gold mother child pendant with a small diamond in it. I love it. Lucas woke up before 7am-a bit early for him. We brought him into our room so we could cuddle as a family before facing the weather and 5K walk we were doing. Marc said Lucas was so excited to wish me a happy mother's day and give me his card and gift that he couldn't possibly sleep until 7am. Lucas tried to eat his card-Very cute.

We ended the day with Lucas trying to fall asleep in our bed while I folded laundry. Sort of fitting. We had brunch at my sister-in-law's and everyone wished me a happy mother's day. It didn't seem to weird-maybe because it was all family or maybe because last year they included me in the gift giving. Just because Lucas wasn't born yet, he was still with us and I was caring for him while he continued to grow inside of me.

The real weirdness of it all came when Marc, Lucas and I went to dinner and the server wished me a Happy First Mother's Day Mom! It seemed like she was talking to someone else-she couldn't possibly mean me.

Why is it that I still haven't grasped this whole new role. I mean I care for my son; I make sure he is well rested, fed, clean, clothed and he isn't suffering. I refer to myself as his mommy and mama. But why does it freak me out when strangers call me that?

Early Mother's Day Presents

Yesterday I got two early Mother's Day presents. The first one was a beautiful flower arrangement from my boys. I was on a teleconference when our receptionist knocked on my door (initially annoying me) and handed me the vase and flowers. It is full of Gerber daisies-my favorite. I loved coming in this morning and seeing them on my desk-too bad I didn't have any student appointments for them to be admired:)

The second "gift" was having Marc go shopping with Lucas. He had the "date" all planned out. They left about 7:15pm and were gone for almost an hour-what a joy it was to have some time to myself! Of course all I did was clean the dishes, the kitchen floor and my bathroom. But it was great to have them out of the house. Marc was full of funny stories when they got back. How everyone was in love with Lucas, how people in the store thought his 6 month picture was beautiful.

When we were getting ready for bed, I told Marc how much it helped just having that time alone. He said that he never thought about taking Lucas out before-even if it was just to drive around the block, so I could get some stuff done. Hopefully this will be gift that keeps on coming:)

Tubes

So last week we found out that Lucas needed to have tubes in his ears. Poor little guy-two surgeries before he is even a year old. I know it would for the best. We scheduled it for this past Monday. He did so good! And it was really quick-10 minutes tops. Ironically the nurse practitioner who prepped him for his hernia surgery was the same one who prepped him for this procedure. She was amazed at how much bigger he got and how good he looked.

The nurses of course were all in love with him by the time we left and came into recover to see how he was doing. When we walked back to recovery, I heard him crying and the nurse said that it was because he wanted to eat. So we got him some formula and he was in much better spirits.

When we went to see the specialist last Thursday, Lucas had fluid in his ears. By the time he had surgery Monday, the right ear had gotten infected:( I am hoping this helps ease his pain.

Happy 8 Month Birthday Lucas (a few days late . . .)

On Saturday you turned 8 months-can you believe that!! We certainly can't. So how have you changed:

You have graduated to the next size carseat in Mommy's car; you are reaching for EVERYTHING, including Mommy's hair; you cut two teeth (!); you talk non stop; you are doing a better job of trying to sit up and we promise we will help you with that. You look for Jeffy cat now and get SO excited when you see him; you had your first sleepover at Grandma's and Poppa's house; you love to be outside, except for when it is really windy. Somehow you manage to move all over your playmat just by moving your butt:) You are doing better with eating "real food" and have found the toys on your highchair tray.

And as you grow bigger and stronger, so does our love for you Lucas Aidan. You continue to be the joy of our lives and the cause for smiles on our faces.