The comparison game

Earlier this week I happened to be talking with some work colleagues about how people compare babies and how they are developing. One woman was in agreement with me that other parents are horrible at making comparisons and passing judgement on the development of other children.

It made me think about what happened before we all got so educated in child development. I was a big fan of the Little House on the Prairie series. How did the Ingall's family handle it, back before there was community daycare and more resources available than you could ever read in a lifetime? What would Caroline Ingalls do? How would she know that Mary or Laura were a bit behind in their social or gross motor skill development? I guess once you have a few kids you can make comparisons between children but did all the mothers gather after church to compare what their babies were doing? Did they spread out a red and white picnic blanket, lay all the babies down and see who was doing what? Or do you just instinctively know that something isn't quite right with your baby-that you don't need a doctor or medical book to show you that your child isn't like everyone else.

As the work group was talking, a seasoned mother said to us, "You don't hear of many eight graders who don't eat table food or students graduating from college who crawl up to the stage to get their degrees. They all get there, one way or another."

A year ago . . .

This weekend I happened to mention to Marc that if things had been different, we would be celebrating our baby's first birthday. If I hadn't miscarried. I remember that last year I took April 27th off from work. Even though we were pregnant with Baby Bubba as Lucas was known back then, I still felt sad. It is amazing how much has happened since then. I think I will always remember that day and think, "What if . . .", What if I hadn't lost the baby? One thing I know is that we would not have Lucas, at least not the Lucas we have now. After being parents for a year would we feel better about the decisions we had made and how we were raising our child or will there always be doubt?

Donations

Marc and I aren't able to make donations to all the things we want to, or even all the things we get asked to donate to. For a few weeks now, Marc has had something from St. Jude's on the desk. In the past I know he has given to them. But since Lucas had been born, I have been learning more about the March of Dimes (www.marchofdimes.com), doing research on my own. I asked Marc the other night that if he was thinking of donating to St. Jude's I would support that but I wanted him to also think about donating to the March since their focus is on premature babies. I just said that we have benefited more from the work that they do. Because of their research and advances in medicine, Lucas is healthy. I also told him that the March of Dimes walk is May 4th-two weeks before the Race for the Cure that we do each year. Next year I am going to see if we can do the March walk instead and get his family to join us. Everyone loves Lucas so much I don't see why they shouldn't support an organization that made him possible:)

Carseats

Lucas is almost 20 pounds. WOW! So right now if I carry him in his carseat, I am carrying 28 pounds. That is A LOT of weight to be lugging around. And hard to do when I am dressed from work in heels-grrrr.

I think we are ready to get the larger carseat. It will be so much easier. That way we are just carrying the big boy and not the seat as well. Plus Lucas loves being carried around so he can see everything and everyone can see him and comment on how cute he is. (See previous post for more on that) He was so happy to be carried out of the Carriage House yesterday-except for when the wind picked up-he was not happy about that.

It is just so funny to think that now he is so big that his feet hang off the edge of the seat but when we brought him home, we needed to have a special insert in the seat to help him stay secured.

Where has the time gone?

Our Little Ladies' Man

Lucas is a flirt-he loves to smile at the ladies and basks in the attention he gets. He greets most females with a big semi toothless grin and his big beautiful blue eyes opened really wide. Yesterday, one of his caregivers told me that he is so attentive to the little girls in his room. Whenever he hears them, he will turn to look at them and becomes very interested in watching them.

I will have to get him the shirt that his cousin has . . . Parents-lock up your daughters.

I miss my belly

I miss my pregnant belly-I know it sounds strange but I do. I sometimes forget that I lost it and expect to bump into things like I used to. Like in my office, I would always forget to close the top desk drawer all the way so I would normally turn fast in my chair and bump into it. Same thing goes with my keyboard tray. I was forever hitting it. This morning as I was putting on my sneakers, I remembered all those mornings that last month when Marc would have to tie my shoes for me. Even though I didn't put on that much weight, I was all in front and straight out. I miss resting my hands on my stomach during meetings and feeling our little bubba moving around, kicking me in the left floating rib (which is still ascended-thanks Lucas).

But I am sure Lucas prefers to be out in the world where he can yell, thump his legs, watch Jeff the cat, be outside with the birds and feel the wind. And of course horse around with his daddy on the bed and laugh his silly little boy laugh:)

Hoping for a Girl

When I was pregnant, I had secretly had hoped for a girl. I just thought I could relate better to a little girl, plus the last 4 babies in our families had been boys-we were due for a girl. And if you put any weight into the old wives tales, I was supposed to have had a girl.

But this weekend as I was playing with Lucas on his mat and he looked into my eyes and smiled, I just knew that the love a little boy has for his mommy is the best thing in the world. And as Marc and Lucas "rough housed" on our bed Sunday morning, I knew despite what I had hoped for, this was a perfect family for us and I would not want it any other way.

Lucas had a loud day

When I picked Lucas up last night, one of the Infant room teachers told me that Lucas had a loud day-not a good day or a bad day or a fussy day, but a LOUD day. I know he is vocal but I guess he had an exceptionally vocal day yesterday. I can just see him being the child in school who is constantly reminded to use his inside voice and to stop talking. Ugh. And he has a new girlfriend-a younger woman. He and a new baby, Tilley, spend some time on a mat together and from what the teachers told me, they had a good old time! Even held hands. When I left for work today I told Lucas to make sure he behaved himself with the ladies.

Marc said that these days when he drops Lucas off, Lucas is quite excited to be there. Marc is calling Lucas Big Man on Campus now.

Last night the three of us were playing on the floor and Lucas showed us his newest trick-to put his hands in my mouth when I am smiling at him. I remember the infants I used to babysit used to do this and I loved it. He was so interested in getting his hands to my face last night that he was almost clawing me! He is the busy little man these days . . .

What is your baby doing now?

I went to the dentist recently and the first thing out of his mouth was, "I bet your baby is starting to crawl now." I hate being asked things that relate to Lucas' motor development. No, he is not crawling, no he isn't able to sit up on his own, no he doesn't consistently rollover. We are trying to get him to do these things-I sat him up yesterday and he managed for a few minutes but then toppled over. He does lift his head up when he is on his stomach but he tires easily and usually ends up putting his head down after a few minutes. He likes to roll onto his side but doesn't feel compelled to roll all the way over onto his stomach. We try and get him to reach for things-holding toys over him when he is on his back, putting toys just out of reach when he is on his stomach.

Why does it have to be a competition? Lucas will get there, just give us a break. Rather than listing all the things that he should be doing, why don't you ask the open ended question, what new things is Lucas doing now?

Then I would answer:
He is pulling his pacifier out and waves it above his head and watches the shadows it creates on his face
He cut two teeth last week
He was playing with a spoon that I gave him
He loves to look at the windows and notices when birds fly by
He notices everything now-to the point we have to feed in a room without any distractions
He continues to be an easy going, likeable little boy
He "graduated" to riding in the stroller facing out, without being in his carseat.

Courage

Last Tuesday it was a beautiful day here so I decided to give Lucas his dinner bottle on the front porch. I had been out there a few minutes when our next door neighbor Jen came out. We haven't seen her in a number of months because of the weather and she is a stay at home mom with Makenna who is about 18 months. But I knew she was pregnant and due in April. Well she came out with Makenna and her new baby boy Colton. She had gone into the hospital on March 22 with some side pain and it turned out she had preeclampsia. So they induced her. Colton was born two weeks early. She seemed so relaxed and was able to manage a very active and curious Makenna while holding a sleeping Colton in her arms. All I could think of was that she was so courageous. She had two babies under two-and she stayed home with them and seemed content to fill that role for them. Even with one, there are some days I feel overwhelmed. I can't imagine the women who manage more than one child. My friend Betsy was delivering her FOURTH baby on Friday. I can't begin to understand the patience and compassion she has for her children. And at one point I think they wanted to have 5 children!!!!! If we were to have another child Marc would need to be in a plural marriage so there would be another wife to care for the house.

Sick again

Early last week Marc noticed that Lucas had some green stuff coming out of his right ear. Marc took him to the doctors on Tuesday and we found out that he has a tear on the inside of his ear. Now to the average person, you would probably be alarmed by this, but according to the doc, this is a good thing because it will mean his infection will now drain easier. So now we have drops to be in the ear twice a day. When I learned his infection still hadn't cleared up, I was mad. Lucas needs a break from these ear infections. We make sure he has his ears covered whenever we go out-we have to put him in daycare because no one in Marc's family is available to babysit and Marc and I both need to work.

So all I kept thinking about last week was that I wish I could have breastfed Lucas. I had read before he was born that babies who are breastfed supposedly have less ear infections. But I wasn't able to. Lucas latched on once while he was in the NICU and I did pump for a few days but once I was put on the pain meds, I wasn't able to pump anymore. I felt so disappointed-I thought this was the one thing I could do to help him.

Lucas seems to be doing better now and most moms I talk to say that he will likely outgrown these in a year. Let's hope.

Would you die for him?

This weekend I watched the Seventh Sign with Demi Moore. I have never seen this movie from the beginning-I always catch it when Abby (Demi's character) is caught in the hail storm and is rescued by that creepy priest. Since I have only seen the end, it should come as no surprise to me what happens. But for some reason this time around, when Abby answers "Yes" to the Roman Guard when he asks "would you die for him?", and she reaches out to touch her newborn son to give him life, I start to cry-I mean tears falling off my face. I thought the hormones were supposed to have settled down by now!

In the midst of all of this, my sweet boy Lucas is on his play mat on his side looking at me. When I glance over at him, he gives me this smile as if to say, "It's OK Mom. I know you would do anything for me. But right now I just need you to love me." And how could anyone deny him that.

Happy Seven Month Birthday Lucas

Today you turn 7 months-7 months!!!! Where has the time gone? Last night at dinner, as you talked and moved around in your carseat trying to eat your star, your dad, grandma and poppa asked, "Remember when he didn't make much noise, when he spent most of his time sleeping, when he didn't try to look at EVERYTHING!" It seems so long ago. I was looking at pictures of you when we first brought you home-you were so small! You were a little peanut in your carseat-now you are about ready for the next size-your feet nearly hang off the edge.

Every day you seem to change and there are so many things you will be able to do soon. We can't wait to do them all with you. I am dreaming of the day we go to the zoo for the first time and you get to see all the animals. Or the day you say your first word. We already love when you laugh and smile. Going into your room this morning and seeing you smile was just what I needed to start my day off right-thank you for giving me that.

When we get home tonight we will need to take a picture of you with your new sign:)

We love you so much Lucas Aidan!

Crocheted Blanket

When Lucas was in the NICU, the nurses used to wrap him in a beautiful crocheted blanket. It was made and donated by a group called the Linus project. They make blankets and hats for babies in the NICU. I loved it-it made his isolette seem a bit more homey and not so sterile and medical. He was so small that they could wrap it around Lucas with plenty to spare. I was so touched that we could take it home with us.

Last night as I tried to rock the little man back to sleep, I covered him with the blanket. He has gotten so big that it only covers him-we can't wrap him in it! I look at him every day but don't always realize how big he is now. I have donated so many clothes that he can't fit into to the Vietnam Vets. And some of them he has only worn once or twice.